Are We Preparing?

WRITTEN LAST SUNDAY...A LEISURELY DAY...

Today I have been hanging out in a quiet house as Alan is out playing paintball, I decided to get some homework done for a little class I'm taking and then I began prepping some food for us a friend. As I'm using my lovely Instant Pot to cook 10 lbs of chicken and 4 lbs of brisket and (started*) making chocolate chip cookies, I began to wonder what it's going to be like cooking for 5 people...and yes, I realize, the quiet will no longer exist as I know it.

I imagine that I will need to meal prep a couple times a month to keep sanity. But logistically, I ask myself, how am I going to do that?! Will there be kids running amok? Will they go outside and magically not run in and out because they forgot this or that? Will I have to bribe a friend with dinner to take the kids for the afternoon so I can make use of this fancy Instant Pot? How do moms survive?

In church this morning we were asked if we were preparing. Honestly, I don't know how much preparing we can do! I mean, I know we need to move the mud room to the garage and add a pantry. I know it would be great to finish the downstairs for more space. We're on the lookout for a different bed for H (the girl), we have enough space for all of them and we have beds upstairs for B and Y (the boys). Yes, I'm thinking about needing to toddler-proof the house, and yes, the whole premise of potty training has been brought up, but how the heck do you prepare for that???

For the last four years, we have had this idea in our head of our children...two boys, four and older. In my mind, that's what I prepared for. But now, God is blessing us with something totally unplanned for and I don't even know what to plan! I have no idea what I even need to consider!  Let me just say though, as I saw a momma carrying around a little one in a car seat carrier, I was thankful that we do get to skip that stage! I know friends who have kiddos, I know, it's not fair - some of you think we need to experience ALL the developmental stages, but know this - God compromised because we thought we would be starting with all older kids :)

*So, as I pondered what it means to plan, I decided to make cookies...and realized I had no flour.** I wonder how many times this will happen during the first year of having kids. What will I decide to do and find out I am totally unprepared for it? Thankfully, I have a hubby who will be by my side to help out. When he gets home he'll take me to the store so I have flour; later, he'll take me to the store when I planned something for the family and realize that we totally forgot something essential.

**When said hubby returned home, he informed me that the flour was just put away in the wrong spot, and so I wonder, how many times will things not be in the "right" spot? My world is going to be rocked...

Alan and Chairsty Plus Three = OMGEE!!

Hey friends! Thank you so much for all of your love and support through all of this! Thanks for giving, sharing and praying for us! If you are inclined to give you can go to our profile. Your donations are tax-deductible, too!

adopttogether.org/houseofstewart 

I Haven't Posted for a While...But This One is Worth It!

(UPDATE: I had to remove some info from our original post. Anything that could possibly identify our precious kiddos. It's a long-shot, but I like to play by the rules) 

I know, friends, I know! You want to know what's going on, nay, you NEED to know what's going on! You've been seeing posts for the last eight weeks, asking for prayers and whatnot. Well, what are you praying for (besides adoption) and what is happening?!?

Here's the long story, if you want the Readers' Digest version - SCROLL DOWN.

On May 18th, Alan and I received a phone call from our adoption agency. Well, actually, I missed a phone call and Alan got one. I had just gotten done with class when my phone started ringing, it was Alan. He told me that I had missed a call from our agency, I told him I just saw that I got a message from them and I thought that it was because I had just emailed her. He proceeded to tell me I missed a BIG call...

Me: Big good, or big bad?

Alan: Really big...are you sitting down?

Me: (crying) Almost! (As I'm at work, walking through the tutoring center, trying to get to the coffee shop)

Alan: There are three kids...4, 5 and 10...two boys and a girl.

Me: (crying) Oh my gosh...

In that moment, we were abuzz with emotion. Are these the ones? I mean, we had planned on two, but this could be them! We cried and laughed, we were so ready to find out more information, we were probably crazy for considering THREE, right? We had to decide if this was a real possibility before the agency requested files, and so we said yes - we'd consider them. We began praying for these kids right away. I was laying in bed nightly thinking about these little kiddos (or the idea thereof), praying for them, asking God about them. We thought that we'd have some info on them within a couple days, but we waited...and waited...almost TWO WEEKS, which is an eternity in adoption time!

What did we find out? Well, first...the little guy wasn't 4.

(TIME OUT: Alan and I had been praying for two boys, five and older...we had been approved for three - just in case - but we really thought we'd be getting two boys, five and older. TIME IN)

The little guy was, well, little. Can you say, like, um, one-and-a-half?! Yep, that's known typically as a "toddler," we weren't prepared for a "toddler," were we? Nevertheless, we would consider and continue to pray.

We read through the BASIC information given to us which was really about 17 pages of nothing helpful, except to confirm that they were malnourished and completely underweight by most standards. Two weeks, and we didn't really get much, so we looked forward to the next bit of information which came a week later. That, that was 34 pages of confusion...there was some good information, but some unclear information as well.

They all had different dads, but were their dads dead, or just not able to provide for them? What - they're refugees?? Where are they from? What language will they speak? Are they really so tiny? It just seemed like this information gave us more questions. And, it seemed that the agency had questions as well, so they decided they needed to do some investigating.

So, in the meantime, we wait...and wait...and pray some more. We talk with LOTS of friends. LOTS. We seek counsel. We ask questions. We talk to friends who have adopted, friends who just have biological kids, we ask questions, we fret, we ask questions..

Can we do this?

How will we know?

How will we raise an additional CRAZY amount of money for a third referral fee?

Are we prepared for daycare? Wait, do we want to do daycare?

Can we do this? (Not a typo, we asked this, like, multiple times a day!)

Will we have the money to raise three kids?

CRAP! This means third-row seating, and I don't want a mini van, do I? The gas mileage will be horrible...

and then

God...is this You? Are You in this? Are these (gulp) our kids?

Not going to lie, part of us felt obligated. We felt we had to say yes, because, well, what if we didn't? What would happen? Were we being selfish for even thinking about saying no? We had been praying for almost six weeks at this point and we didn't have a definitive answer. God - we need a YES...

We talk with our agency again, we continue seeking counsel from some great people who have gone before us...we keep praying, but we don't feel God speaking to us, we don't hear that yes we so desperately needed, until this last weekend.

It started on Friday, I had an amazing talk with an equally amazing friend. We talked about changes in her and her husband's life and how it will affect a lot of people. I told her that her hubby isn't God and that it will be okay - that God will take care of those affected by the change. I ask her to pray for us and we end our convo.

(IMPORTANT PART HERE) Later that day, she sends me a text:

"Been thinking about what you said all day...Stuck with me. So wise. And as I'm praying for you I hear my spirit whispering the same wisdom back to you over those kids. God has them. He is constantly pursuing them - whether or not you adopt. They will be okay because of God, not because of Alan and Chairsty. If you get them or choose not to, you are not their God, you are not responsible for what happens..."

Wow...incredible...I am crying...my dear friend gave the freedom to say no. It was such a great feeling, I can't even really describe it (keep reading!!).

Then it continued on Sunday, in church. Our pastor spoke about knowing God's will, hearing His voice and stepping out in faith, and something kept churning in me.

On Monday we had an informative call with our agency, then that night we met with some friends who went from zero kids to four kids! We knew that night what our answer was, but we wouldn't say it out loud. Until Tuesday...

WE SAID YES!!

But what about that "freedom to say no"? That, my friends, was truly a gift given to me. My friend showed me that I could say no, but I realized I didn't want to say no. I knew that my yes would be a full-hearted yes. Alan got his "yes" during our phone call with the agency. We knew when we left our friends' new, big family that it would be yes. Tuesday, we broke the news to family and friends.

Friends - please don't miss this - God didn't give us a sign, we didn't get a burning bush, we didn't HEAR Him say yes. He gave us friends, and wisdom and encouragement. He gave us Isaiah 30:21, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'this is the way, walk in it.'" It wasn't a sign in front of us we could see, but a voice behind us, guiding the way.

Friends, we said yes...let the journey begin...

Having a Backyard for My Birthday

Many of you know that for the last couple of weeks we have been working hard on creating a nice space in our back yard. I mean, really, there wasn't much of anything in the yard...yeah, really...nothing. Well, wait, unless you count weeds...and dirt...and rocks of varying sizes in random spots all over the yard which is not conducive to growing grass.

Yep, this is what we had. The pic of
the front yard is actually one year
AFTER we did it...it still needed work!

We have almost been in our house for five years now and we have not had a "yard" that whole time. We have made some progress though. We always knew the landscaping would be a slow and steady thing for us. We are pretty budget conscious and I couldn't just charge a whole yard on a credit card! Still, I kept having thoughts that "oh, maybe THIS is the year!" and it never was. So, little by little, we did some of this and some of that. We saved money from tax returns every year to do some work. 





For the record, 10 x 25 is a huge
patio for first-time DIYers!

In 2011, the year after we moved in, we made a patio off the back door - that was a big undertaking for our first project! We also managed to start a front yard that year. I looks so lovely now! Then later that summer, it got HOT and Alan asked why we didn't get air conditioning instead of a patio...oops! So, in 2012 we purchased an air conditioner and that was our big home improvement project. In 2013 we finished our front yard landscaping by creating a space that is supposed to look like a dry river bed or a "river of rocks" along the side of the house and I felt great that we were no longer the eyesore of the neighborhood!



This was in 2013 right after we
finished the dry river bed.

But every year, I still wanted a backyard, a place to hang out and enjoy. I had thoughts of having a movie with friends in the backyard for my birthday for the last three years at least! I want to love my yard. It's hard to enjoy the nice patio when our view consists of a combination of living and dying weeds and brown dirt. I always hoped this backyard thing would happen soon. Two major barriers though - one, we "needed" a retaining wall. If we were going to do that, we'd need to install it BEFORE the yard looked nice; two, we "needed" to install sprinklers if we were going to invest in grass. We have a large yard and I had nightmares of me dragging the sprinkler around said yard and even forgetting that it's on (like I frequently do in the front yard!). Those were finished in 2014!

2015 - our patio "garage".

So, 2015, here we are, poised and ready for a backyard. We need to do three major things: level the yard and prep the soil, add river rocks around the perimeter of the yard and then hydroseed. And we were prepared to do it! There we were, the weekend after our anniversary and we were leveling and prepping the soil. We rented the skid steer and Alan and Jen did a great job leveling out the mess around the fence created by the great Craigslist fiasco of 2012ish and then he used the attachment to run over the whole yard to prep the soil. This soil conditioner attachment tills up the weeds, softens the ground, pulverizes small rocks and sends bigger ones to the side. Did I mention we had rocks? Like, along the lines of 12" hunks of flat sandstone? Well, mostly pieces in the 4-6" range, but rocks nonetheless.

Separating rock and weeds sucks.

After Alan uses the soil conditioner on the yard, we have to rake. We're raking piles of rocks and there are pieces of weed debris intermingled with rocks. I HAD to try and separate them so we could put them in the right trash cans. We had piles everywhere! So, there I was, in my backyard, raking my heart out thinking about how great it will be to FINALLY have a yard for my birthday. That this will be the birthday that my friends get to come to OUR house and hang out in OUR backyard. All of this thinking has me so excited and while I am thinking, I hear the neighbor kids talking...



"My spirit animal is a rat because I steal things!" (I think the other one had a fox for his spirit animal!)

And they are jumping on the trampoline...

"I am going to be an evil penguin but when you kill me I turn good." (Jen said you can't have evil penguins.)

And then the sprinkler turns on under the trampoline...

"Go get me a towel because I'm cold!" (she was a bit bossy)...

Front yard 2015 (top left and middle)
The backyard in progress (rest!) 

And then I realize...it's really not about my birthday, and it never has been. This house has always been about starting a family....five years in the making...we wanted to have a place where we could bring a couple kids home, let them run around in a big, safe yard and have fun; a  place where memories would be created and they would feel loved. This yard isn't about me, it's about them! And so there I was, raking up rocks and weeds and praying for our kids...kids who may never have seen this thing called "grass" that I have been longing for...kids who really would be fine playing out in the dirt...kids who might be waiting for us right now...and I began praying for them...and praying for us.

Did I mention the "prison shanks"
we found in the yard?

It will still be nice to have grass for my birthday, but in the long run, I am thankful that I am reminded that this was never about me...and that our hope is that this is a house that, ultimately, glorifies Him...

How Much Paperwork Do We Realły Have Left?

Let me start by saying that our anniversary is tomorrow, we'll, at least as I sit here on Monday and write this it's tomorrow - who knows how long it will take me to compose this post! Anyhow, June 2, 2015 marks TWENTY YEARS with my amazing hubby, Alan!! Seriously, as I look back it doesn't seem like it has been that long. Often times, I still feel so young - yes, I get that age is relative, but most people who have been married for 20 years are at least half-way through their parenting years and here we are, not even started. I don't feel like I'm 37, but when I think about my age, it makes me wish that this adoption thing would happen more quickly, you know? 

Yes, Homeland Security Has to Say, "Yes."

In February we submitted our I-600A: Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition. This is a form that gives us permission from Homeland Security to adopt foreign children and emigrate them to the U.S. Shortly after submitting the application, we rceived a request for additional documentation with an 87 day window for submission. Eighty-seven days...no big deal, right? So, fast-forward some 50 days...ish. I thought we had what we needed...I really did. Yes, the letter said "certified court disposition" but really, is that any different from a background check saying that we have no arrests? Um, yes! And thankfully, our social worker caught it for us! 

I Really Wasn't Trying to Slack.

So, we needed a letter saying that there is no record of Alan having been arrested and gone to court and for a traffic violation (yeah, that's another story, for another day, but suffice it to say - ALWAYS use your full name...always). You know, when they wipe things off the record, it's hard to figure out who to call to verify this fact! Anyhow, Alan made LOTS of calls...lots. Finally, he got a hold of the right person around April 30th...21 days before we have to get this to the government. The woman checks the records and verifies that there is no record. This takes a few days to get figured out. She mails it to us on Friday May 8th...my sister verifies this as she went and paid the fee for us. It's coming from Great Falls, 3 1/2 hours away, no reason why we shouldn't have this letter by the 11th, giving us plenty of time to get our paperwork in...the problem is, it's not in the mailbox on the 11th, or the 12th, or the 13th...so Alan calls..."if it's not there on the 14th call." So he called and had to leave a message, along with 3 other messages the following day. Finally, he got a hold of her on the 15th. She certifies two new letters, but the mail has already run, it's Friday, she can't get it out until Monday...we need it Tuesday...not going to happen. UGH, frustration!

Thankful again that I have a sister in Great Falls who goes to the court house, picks up the letter and then sends it next-day air on Monday...meanwhile...our mail had come and the letters that had been sent ten days prior finally showed up. Guess what...they spelled his name wrong, on these official court documents - more frustration, especially for Alan :/ Our social worker told us to go ahead and submit what we had so we could get it in on time (did you know it costs upwards of $50 to overnight something to Missouri??) and to just try to get new letters - just in case (on a side note, we went to GF and it took her TWO MORE TIMES to get the letter right!).

If you're skipping to the good part, here it is:

I am usually so on top of everything, I don't like to wait if I know it needs to be done. I really don't know how all this got away from me...So, after waiting a little too long to get paperwork together, after spending three+ weeks to get what should have been a simple letter, after getting the paperwork there with just one day to spare, this afternoon, on the eve of our 20th anniversary, we got a letter from the Dept. of Homeland Security...

Alas...I must trust God's timing, of this I remind myself quite frequently. Those who know me probably know that I have told God that the best possible court dates would include anytime between June and September, Christmas break, spring break...you know, the dates that would work out perfectly for a teacher! While a teeny part of me believes that He might give me a "yes" to my best possible dates, I, again, have to remind myself that these are HIS plans, not my plans, that HIS ways are higher than my ways. Isaiah 55:9 says, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." His thoughts are higher than my thoughts...He knows the end from the beginning and He is to be trusted, as is His timing. 

Plugged In

 

Earlier this month Alan and I had the privilege to attend the Empowered to Connect simulcast in beautiful Bozeman, MT. I would like to start by saying thank you to Sacred Portion, Show Hope, Journey Church and Encompass for bringing a message of hope and healing! This simulcast was a two-day event for adoptive and foster parents (dare I say biological parents, as well?) and those who work in the world foster and adoptive kiddos live in. It was amazing! I am so glad we attended, but trying to get the information was, well, not as smooth as I would have liked!

 

Don't hate on my note-taking skills!

ALL COMPUTERS ALWAYS WORK
So, it all started when I got this email about Empowered to Connect, based on the book The Connected Child by Dr. Karen Purvis out of Texas Christian University. So, I look at the email on my iPad and it says to follow the instructions on the attached flyer to register for this FREE event. I look at said flyer...no directions. I reply to the email, they send me another flyer saying thE info is on the flyer, I open it on my iPad...no directions...UGH...I reply one more time (a bit frustrated!) and they send me the link. This time, I'm on my computer, so I pull up the flyer to show a coworker so they could verify that the info was, indeed, NOT on the flyer...lo and behold, there it was. My iPad just wouldn't show the info!! Apple, you gotta fix that!

BOZEMAN IS BEAUTIFUL
Anyhow, I went back and forth trying to decide if it was worth it to take the day off and have someone sub for me and finally, I decided to go for it. I used up my personal day and Alan and I headed to Bozeman. One of the college girls I mentor even gave up her bed for us so we wouldn't have to pay for a hotel (thanks Court!). We get to The Commons, where the event was being hosted, and we had never been there before. Let me stop and say the campus was BEAUTIFUL!! Bozeman is great in general, but the views around The Commons, oh my! Bozeman is surrounded by six mountain ranges and is just so amazing, Alan said, "people must just wake up and say, 'I'm going to have a good day.'"

PLUGGED IN

There is so much I could say about the content of the conference. The speakers kept saying that it was like drinking water from a fire hose - and it was! I felt like someone energized me, gave me the skills and knowledge to be, at the very least, aware of the potential hard times ahead. It really was like being plugged in to the power source. They gave us a heads up on the way our brains and bodies function when they are in a survival state. There was so much to learn about how children from tough places operate, how the brains of kids who have been traumatized are always running on the amygdala, how our attachment style as an infant predicts how we will attach as adults 90% of the time!! This is researched-based stuff my friends, AND, biblically supported as well! So, friends, here's just one snippet of something we learned:

Children from hard places:

• Have different brains
• Have different bodies
• Have different beliefs
• Have different behaviors

Why? You may ask. Because if a child has been traumatized - even something like a difficult birth, even trauma during pregnancy - it can result in changes to the way the brain perceives the child's surroundings and circumstances; it affects the lens through which life is viewed - especially if it is never dealt with! Now, this isn't true of every kid who comes from a hard place, but Alan and I want to go into this with eyes wide open. Do you know that when the amygdala is on high alert the pre-frontal cortex (the part of your brain that everyone associates with being the brain) that does all the complicated processes and tasks is not operating? The brain is in this fight, flight or freeze state, almost constantly for some of these kids and if you don't address the amygdala, you can't get to the heart of the child! 

Okay - I need to not overload you all...we'll stop here and I'll do a part two soon.

 

How Many Licks Does it Take to Get to the Center of a Tootsie Pop?

Okay, so that might not be what most of you are wondering about, though if you are interested, there was a scientific study conducted here, just make sure to come back here after you read it!

The real question, the question that we have been asked countless times since we began the process is, "what's next?" Well maybe that's second to, "when do you get your kids?" Both very good questions...sometimes I don't know the answer to the first, and we don't really know the answer to the second either, but here is what I do know we have left to do:

1.  Finish gathering up documents for our dossier. This is actually going really well! It's finally good to feel like we are moving forward, after all of our stop and go, putting the home study on hold, etc., I just feel like we have momentum, that, plus the momentum of that amazing gift (if you didn't read about the gift, read my previous post!!) has pushed us so far forward. Besides waiting on birth and marriage certificates, we are just waiting for our approval from the US government to adopt foreign kiddos, otherwise, the dossier is just about done!
   
2.  Raise some more money.So, I'll just be honest, international adoption is expensive! So is giving birth...the difference is that my health insurance doesn't cover adoption expenses. I've been trying to calculate about how much we have left and I think it's about $10,000 plus travel expenses for two trips to Ethiopia. Here's what we're thinking:
   
   a.) Artwork If you know anyone who has adopted from Ethiopia (or Africa in general), or has an affinity for these countries, we have some awesome artwork from Alan and for our friend Andrea Reynolds. Alan also has other artwork that is not related to Ethiopia or adoption that you can purchase prints of. You can check out his work on our Art page
   
   b.) Jewelry I enjoy making jewelry and so I have random pieces available. Pictures are posted on my Jewelry page of some that I have made and sold, but I do take requests.
   
   c.) Sushi Nights If you get a group of people together who like sushi, we'll do our best to find a date where we can come over and make you dinner! Of course, we could also arrange to just do delivery as well!
   
   d.) Start Earning Points As much as it pains me to think about using a credit card (we avoid it at all costs), I think we'll be getting a card that earns us miles, then using that to pay for our normal expenses and paying it off monthly...EEK...good idea?
   
3. Accept a Referral A referral is when the agency gives us info on adoptable kids. We will have a some time to pray about it and then say "yes" or "no." Technically, that can happen at any time now...the catch is, we have to be able to pay the referral fee when we say, "yes!"
   
   
4. Travel to Ethiopia to Meet Future Kiddos
   
5. Travel Again to Bring Said Kiddos Home
   
6. Be Awesome Parents
   
   (I obviously don't know much about these steps yet)
   
7. Just PRAY...This would obviously be the real first step, and really the most important step. We will continue to pray through every step of this process and I ask for you to pray for us and our future kids as well. 

If you have questions or comments that you want to ask privately, email me at electric_chairsty@yahoo.com