What Running a 5k Taught Me About My Future as a Parent

As some of my friends know, I spent 8 weeks training for the Freedom 5k. Let me start by saying, nay, YELLING, I am NOT a runner! From that first moment I had to "run" the mile in 5th grade I WALKED the mile. Truly, at 10 I could not run a mile if I was being chased by zombies threatening to eat my very gifted brain! As an adult, even when Alan and I were in great shape and we were working out 4 or 5 times a week I dreaded the 2 minute intervals we would have to run during boot camp.

In January (along with every other person in the Western world) I decided I should try to do something so I asked my doctor for an inhaler and she obliged. The problem is that was also about the time that I started to deal with daily leg cramps. In addition to leg cramps, I had difficulties walking up the stairs - my legs felt like elephant legs and I couldn't breathe by the time I reached the top of the stairs. Of the latter, I was very embarrassed and wouldn't tell anyone that I couldn't walk a flight of stairs without dying. After dealing with this for about 4 or 5 months, I found out I was having vein issues so my doctor gave me a lovely pair of compression hose. Pair those babies with that inhaler and I was able to finally begin training - just 8 weeks before the race!

I started training using a 5k app (5k Runner) to train. First, I was doing intervals of running for 1 minute and walking a minute-and-a-half. My first workout consisted of a whopping 6 minutes total of running. I really felt there was no way I could do a 5k in 8 weeks, I doubted that I could even do the next day's workout! But I kept training, kept pressing on. Alan went to the gym with me and the first time I had to run 5 minutes, or 10 minutes or 15, he was right there, running with me. It was cool to see that with each workout I was making progress toward that 3+ mile mark.

The Tuesday before the 5k, I began my last "training" run. I ran for 30 minutes between a 5 min warm up and cool down. Total distance? 2.33 miles. How was I going to do an extra mile without being at the 1+ hour mark for the 5k?! Now, let me back track for a minute and say that I was so excited that I actually ran for 30 minutes straight, amazing feat for me! Race day comes and Alan - who trained for 7 weeks with me - could not run because he had sprained his knee the week before so I didn't have a running partner. But one of our friends decided to be my "rabbit," her words, not mine. Forty-three minutes after starting my inaugural 5k, I finished! So what did running a 5k teach me about my future as a parent? Let me tell you!

1. Training is not the same thing as the "real deal."I trained inside...on the treadmill...with air conditioning. The treadmill told me how fast to go, it told me how far I was going, there was a timer, I knew how long it would take - I was done when my app said I was done. When I got outside...on the road...in the heat...I had no idea how fast I was going or how far I was going, I didn't know where the  half-way mark was for distance, I didn't know where the water was, I didn't know how long it would take me. Plus, there will HILLS! It wasn't just flat. This was NOT like training!

While I know that the parenting classes, books and webinars will be helpful (just like my app & training were helpful) - I realize they will not compare to the real world. They will help prepare us for scenarios, they will give us tools to assist us, but in the same way running on the treadmill isn't the same as running outside, the classes will not be the same as having actual kids!

2. Use your rescue inhaler!
Again, things are different in the real world! When I trained on Tuesday, I ran that entire 30 minutes without needing my inhaler during the run - not so on Thursday! Things were so different, I didn't have a 5-minute warm-up walk, I didn't have the treadmill to pace me at my 4.0 mph pace, and my "rabbit" is a cross-country runner who runs multiple miles daily! It was just different, and while I used my inhaler before the 5k started, I didn't think I would need it later - I was WRONG! I tried soooo hard to control my breathing - in through the nose, out through the mouth, short breaths, long breaths, no matter what, I just couldn't seem to catch my breath and my inhaler was at the finish line, not with me!

I imagine as parents we are going to need a "rescue inhaler" - someone who will be there in an emergency to help us when we feel like we can't breathe. I think I may have some of those people already.

3. Having a rabbit helps you do more than you ever thought you could.
Had I not had a running buddy, I know I wouldn't have done the race in 43 minutes. When I trained, I ran about a 4.0 (on the treadmill - remember), my 43 minute finish gave me an average pace of 4.6 - and let me tell you, there were some walks in there - this means when I ran, I ran faster than I did ever did on the treadmill. I am certain if I had been alone, I would have walked as soon as I felt I couldn't breathe, but my rabbit kept cheering me on and telling me how "good" I was doing (I was sure she was lying!). She would tell me, "run halfway up the hill then you can walk," or, "at the corner you're going to run," she was just so insistent. During the run I told her (as I was wheezing), "if I was a cusser - I would be cussing at you right now!"

As parents, we will need people to be "rabbits" for us - people who tell us to keep going when it's hard, people to tell us to finish strong, people that we want to cuss at - because in the end, no matter how hard it was, we will be thankful that they pushed us.

4. You can't imagine how you will feel when you are done.
As we were running, my rabbit wanted to tell me how far we had gone, but I wouldn't let her. I kept thinking that when I saw water we'd be at the halfway point. At every turn and intersection there was no water in sight and I was so disappointed. I couldn't believe that I hadn't made it half way yet (turns out the water was on the 4-wheelers and golf-carts that were driving around checking on us). After we finally found some water we neared the last intersection and my rabbit wanted to tell me our time - I didn't want to know, but she insisted I did - 34 minutes. I could see the finish line in the distance and it had only taken 34 minutes to get to this point. I was shocked. It still took me a bit to get to the end, but I made it. Alan was waiting at the end for me with a big smile. When I crossed the finish line, I had an unexpected urge to cry. I don't know. It wasn't a happy cry, or a sad cry, I just wanted to cry. I think it was the culmination of 8 weeks of effort. Apparently, this is a somewhat normal feeling.

Who knows how we will feel the first time we see our kids, or when we finally get to bring them home, but I'm sure that whatever it is - it will certainly be within the bounds of what is expected. I will likely cry - and that will be okay!

How Will We Know?

Earlier this month, a fellow prospective adoptive parent (say that 3 times fast!) passed an email on to me. The email was a plea to find a home for two bothers, 5 and 7ish, who were on a waiting child list. Imagine my thoughts when she told me this! This is what we are looking for! How perfect could this be? Wait, she's with another agency, how will this work? The email also had a picture of these two sweet boys. I was sad as I read this email and saw how these boys had been on the waiting child list, but no one had inquired about them. I don't know that we "felt" anything from God about those boys, but Alan and I prayed for them. The very next day, there was an email update and someone wanted those cute boys!

So, here's my question - how will we know (sings, "can't trust a feeling!" Sorry, I hear Whitney's voice singing that song!)??? How will we know when we see the boys (or girls) that we have been praying for? What do you look for? Adoptive parents receive referrals based on where they are on the wait list (unless we choose to check out the "waiting children" list). The referral, as I understand it, contains a picture and some medical/family background.

So, when we looking at pictures - do we look for how cute they are? Do we look for something in their eyes? A smile? What is it that the picture provides us? As for medical records - we already know that many children will be undernourished, some will need "normal" things like glasses, dental work, etc. There are some children that might need more extensive medical care, there are also children who are HIV positive - how do I feel about that? Then there's the family background - what if their parents are alive but can't take care of them? What if they are true orphans whose parents are gone from this world? What if they have older brothers and sisters who are not adoptable and we would be taking them away from them? There are just soooo many questions, you know?

I guess we have to look at it this way, somehow, Alan and I "knew" that we were the ones for each other and we went with it. Look at us now, 18 years later - beginning the family journey when we could have kids on their way out, LOL :) Ultimately, we are going to have to make decisions about potential kids - pray for us to make the right decision.

We are still gathering some paperwork - ugh, to submit to our agency. Pray that we get that done ASAP. Fundraising is going well. Just last week we held a great sushi class/dinner for a couple who has already gone through the adoption process. Such a blessing to have other parents supporting us. I sold some necklaces to a local café, also, to raise some moola. Slowly but surely, things are happening. Who knows, maybe next 4th of July we'll have kids celebrating our independence :)