What Running a 5k Taught Me About My Future as a Parent

As some of my friends know, I spent 8 weeks training for the Freedom 5k. Let me start by saying, nay, YELLING, I am NOT a runner! From that first moment I had to "run" the mile in 5th grade I WALKED the mile. Truly, at 10 I could not run a mile if I was being chased by zombies threatening to eat my very gifted brain! As an adult, even when Alan and I were in great shape and we were working out 4 or 5 times a week I dreaded the 2 minute intervals we would have to run during boot camp.

In January (along with every other person in the Western world) I decided I should try to do something so I asked my doctor for an inhaler and she obliged. The problem is that was also about the time that I started to deal with daily leg cramps. In addition to leg cramps, I had difficulties walking up the stairs - my legs felt like elephant legs and I couldn't breathe by the time I reached the top of the stairs. Of the latter, I was very embarrassed and wouldn't tell anyone that I couldn't walk a flight of stairs without dying. After dealing with this for about 4 or 5 months, I found out I was having vein issues so my doctor gave me a lovely pair of compression hose. Pair those babies with that inhaler and I was able to finally begin training - just 8 weeks before the race!

I started training using a 5k app (5k Runner) to train. First, I was doing intervals of running for 1 minute and walking a minute-and-a-half. My first workout consisted of a whopping 6 minutes total of running. I really felt there was no way I could do a 5k in 8 weeks, I doubted that I could even do the next day's workout! But I kept training, kept pressing on. Alan went to the gym with me and the first time I had to run 5 minutes, or 10 minutes or 15, he was right there, running with me. It was cool to see that with each workout I was making progress toward that 3+ mile mark.

The Tuesday before the 5k, I began my last "training" run. I ran for 30 minutes between a 5 min warm up and cool down. Total distance? 2.33 miles. How was I going to do an extra mile without being at the 1+ hour mark for the 5k?! Now, let me back track for a minute and say that I was so excited that I actually ran for 30 minutes straight, amazing feat for me! Race day comes and Alan - who trained for 7 weeks with me - could not run because he had sprained his knee the week before so I didn't have a running partner. But one of our friends decided to be my "rabbit," her words, not mine. Forty-three minutes after starting my inaugural 5k, I finished! So what did running a 5k teach me about my future as a parent? Let me tell you!

1. Training is not the same thing as the "real deal."I trained inside...on the treadmill...with air conditioning. The treadmill told me how fast to go, it told me how far I was going, there was a timer, I knew how long it would take - I was done when my app said I was done. When I got outside...on the road...in the heat...I had no idea how fast I was going or how far I was going, I didn't know where the  half-way mark was for distance, I didn't know where the water was, I didn't know how long it would take me. Plus, there will HILLS! It wasn't just flat. This was NOT like training!

While I know that the parenting classes, books and webinars will be helpful (just like my app & training were helpful) - I realize they will not compare to the real world. They will help prepare us for scenarios, they will give us tools to assist us, but in the same way running on the treadmill isn't the same as running outside, the classes will not be the same as having actual kids!

2. Use your rescue inhaler!
Again, things are different in the real world! When I trained on Tuesday, I ran that entire 30 minutes without needing my inhaler during the run - not so on Thursday! Things were so different, I didn't have a 5-minute warm-up walk, I didn't have the treadmill to pace me at my 4.0 mph pace, and my "rabbit" is a cross-country runner who runs multiple miles daily! It was just different, and while I used my inhaler before the 5k started, I didn't think I would need it later - I was WRONG! I tried soooo hard to control my breathing - in through the nose, out through the mouth, short breaths, long breaths, no matter what, I just couldn't seem to catch my breath and my inhaler was at the finish line, not with me!

I imagine as parents we are going to need a "rescue inhaler" - someone who will be there in an emergency to help us when we feel like we can't breathe. I think I may have some of those people already.

3. Having a rabbit helps you do more than you ever thought you could.
Had I not had a running buddy, I know I wouldn't have done the race in 43 minutes. When I trained, I ran about a 4.0 (on the treadmill - remember), my 43 minute finish gave me an average pace of 4.6 - and let me tell you, there were some walks in there - this means when I ran, I ran faster than I did ever did on the treadmill. I am certain if I had been alone, I would have walked as soon as I felt I couldn't breathe, but my rabbit kept cheering me on and telling me how "good" I was doing (I was sure she was lying!). She would tell me, "run halfway up the hill then you can walk," or, "at the corner you're going to run," she was just so insistent. During the run I told her (as I was wheezing), "if I was a cusser - I would be cussing at you right now!"

As parents, we will need people to be "rabbits" for us - people who tell us to keep going when it's hard, people to tell us to finish strong, people that we want to cuss at - because in the end, no matter how hard it was, we will be thankful that they pushed us.

4. You can't imagine how you will feel when you are done.
As we were running, my rabbit wanted to tell me how far we had gone, but I wouldn't let her. I kept thinking that when I saw water we'd be at the halfway point. At every turn and intersection there was no water in sight and I was so disappointed. I couldn't believe that I hadn't made it half way yet (turns out the water was on the 4-wheelers and golf-carts that were driving around checking on us). After we finally found some water we neared the last intersection and my rabbit wanted to tell me our time - I didn't want to know, but she insisted I did - 34 minutes. I could see the finish line in the distance and it had only taken 34 minutes to get to this point. I was shocked. It still took me a bit to get to the end, but I made it. Alan was waiting at the end for me with a big smile. When I crossed the finish line, I had an unexpected urge to cry. I don't know. It wasn't a happy cry, or a sad cry, I just wanted to cry. I think it was the culmination of 8 weeks of effort. Apparently, this is a somewhat normal feeling.

Who knows how we will feel the first time we see our kids, or when we finally get to bring them home, but I'm sure that whatever it is - it will certainly be within the bounds of what is expected. I will likely cry - and that will be okay!

How Will We Know?

Earlier this month, a fellow prospective adoptive parent (say that 3 times fast!) passed an email on to me. The email was a plea to find a home for two bothers, 5 and 7ish, who were on a waiting child list. Imagine my thoughts when she told me this! This is what we are looking for! How perfect could this be? Wait, she's with another agency, how will this work? The email also had a picture of these two sweet boys. I was sad as I read this email and saw how these boys had been on the waiting child list, but no one had inquired about them. I don't know that we "felt" anything from God about those boys, but Alan and I prayed for them. The very next day, there was an email update and someone wanted those cute boys!

So, here's my question - how will we know (sings, "can't trust a feeling!" Sorry, I hear Whitney's voice singing that song!)??? How will we know when we see the boys (or girls) that we have been praying for? What do you look for? Adoptive parents receive referrals based on where they are on the wait list (unless we choose to check out the "waiting children" list). The referral, as I understand it, contains a picture and some medical/family background.

So, when we looking at pictures - do we look for how cute they are? Do we look for something in their eyes? A smile? What is it that the picture provides us? As for medical records - we already know that many children will be undernourished, some will need "normal" things like glasses, dental work, etc. There are some children that might need more extensive medical care, there are also children who are HIV positive - how do I feel about that? Then there's the family background - what if their parents are alive but can't take care of them? What if they are true orphans whose parents are gone from this world? What if they have older brothers and sisters who are not adoptable and we would be taking them away from them? There are just soooo many questions, you know?

I guess we have to look at it this way, somehow, Alan and I "knew" that we were the ones for each other and we went with it. Look at us now, 18 years later - beginning the family journey when we could have kids on their way out, LOL :) Ultimately, we are going to have to make decisions about potential kids - pray for us to make the right decision.

We are still gathering some paperwork - ugh, to submit to our agency. Pray that we get that done ASAP. Fundraising is going well. Just last week we held a great sushi class/dinner for a couple who has already gone through the adoption process. Such a blessing to have other parents supporting us. I sold some necklaces to a local café, also, to raise some moola. Slowly but surely, things are happening. Who knows, maybe next 4th of July we'll have kids celebrating our independence :)

Tell Alan - "We Want to Hear About Sushi!"

So, one of our fundraisers is a sushi night where Alan will prepare sushi for a group of 6 to 8 people. He has done this a few times now and each time we are learning something new - I say "we" because I am actually helping, though I have NO desire to eat the "yummy" sushi.

If you are interested in more info about the sushi night, go to Alan's Facebook wall and post to him!

Happy Anniversary

This weekend we celebrated our 18th anniversary - by having a garage sale! Yep, we did a fundraising sale on Saturday with the help of many donations from our friends! A garagle sale is a TON of work, just in case you didn't know...

Over the last couple weeks our friends have dropped things by the house for our sale then last Tuesday we started sorting through and grouping things - let's put all the hats & gloves over here, oh yeah, scarves too. Then we knew that more things would be brought closer to the day of the sale, so we waited to do more until Friday. Then came Friday! (sidenote: originally we were going to have our sale on Friday, but the weather was less than cooperative - rain, rain, rain.) We opened the garage to let some light and cool air in and then we started really going through things and pricing them around 10 a.m.We figured out sizes on bedding that was donated, cleaned up shelves and cubbies, put all the decor items together, put all the stuffed animals in a box, put all the shoes in a box, purses...you name it. We worked hard for about 4 or 5 hours. Then Alan's tooth started giving him, well, hell!

Back story - Alan had to have a crown remade, apparently it had cracked and it was less than 5 years old! So, he had to have the old crown taken off - which was bad because they don't just "come off," they are pried, cracked, and cut off - then they put a new crown on. Well, he was still experiencing some pain, then more pain, then unbearable pain. So at 3 p.m., Alan is standing in the doorway between the garage and the house with the phone in his hand. "Are you going to call?" I asked. "Yes," he replied. He came back out a couple minutes later and said he had a 3:30 p.m. appointment, so we dropped what we were doing and I took him to the dentist. Long story short, he ended up having a root canal (to which he would NOT say "bummer!" because it helped so much) and we didn't get back to it until about 8 p.m. that night.

So here we are, back to the garage, we continue sorting and pricing everything until about 10 p.m...except the clothes. UGH! How in the world are we going to efficiently sort clothes? Alan had hung up a nice rack in the garage and grabbed a bunch of hangers, but we still had to make signs and it was 10 p.m.!! So, I say, forget the clothes for now and we make signs. Around 11 p.m. we decide we should go to bed since we have to wake up bright and early to get everything pulled out, signs put on their respective intersections and get our game faces on.

Saturday morning, up and at 'em bright and early. Shower, get dressed and as I start pulling things out Alan heads out to put the signs out. By the way, it was a GRAND day outside - absolutely beautiful!! At this point, though, I STILL haven't done a thing about those darn clothes!! Around 7:45 a.m. my friends Andrea and Ruth show up (to shop) and ask if I need help - YES!! They spent about 15 minutes helping me getting those darn clothes either up on the rack or in nice piles on the tarp. That 15 minutes or so was like a lifesaver for me! While they were helping, one of Andrea's daughters is shopping and finds something she likes, and - get this - proceeds to pay me with a card...a hotel key card! So adorable!!!

Anyhow, we ended up having a good turnout and had great support from friends and earned some money to "help bring kiddos home" as my friend Vicki would say. Thanks to ALL of my friends who helped either by donating items for the sale, donating stickers and supplies, donating time, spending money or sending friends over. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

It seems as though spending our anniversary weekend getting ready for a garage sale is just one indicator of how things might be different when we have kids - but that's okay, bring it on and we'll figure it out just like we did the garage sale - with the help of our friends! :)

No Tengo Un Menor Idea...

In this latest installment of House of Stewart, I will basically tell you I have no idea what's happening :/

Okay, so I haven't heard anything definitive from the summer hosting program we had applied to - bummer. When I called a week and a half ago, they said they weren't sure if there would be any Ethiopian kids here this summer. When I spoke to the social worker, she hadn't heard either, so again - BUMMER.

What does this mean to us? I guess it means we are going to have to start looking at another agency, maybe. I'm not sure if the agency just isn't communicating with us on this particular project or if they are generally bad at communicating. If they aren't good at communicating with clients, I want a different agency.

We went to a meeting for adoptive parents last week and we did get some suggestions on agencies as well as some strong advice to research, research, research. I COMPLETELY agree with us needing to research, I just feel at a loss for how that needs to happen. I don't know what I am looking for. The couples who have gone before us all went through the same agency (which is now, unfortunately, bankrupt).

On another note, our fundraising is going slow - but steady! Another coworker gave us an unexpected donation, that was really cool. I sold a few more necklaces and Alan is doing a sushi party this weekend, so things are moving in the right direction. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and move, right? So, we are having the home study packet sent to us and I guess we get that started (I know, friends, I know, I should have started a long time ago, but I was kinda hoping for this summer hosting thing to go through).

So, keep praying for us. Pray that we figure (some of) this stuff out and that we make a good decision when it comes to choosing an agency. Pray for our kids that are out there now, pray that whereever they are they feel loved, that they are as safe as possible and that they are hopeful that someone out there loves them and that they will be part of a family again.

What Happens If...

I had someone ask a me a good question earlier this week. It was one I had thought about, in a sense, but not really pondered, so to speak. I was talking about the possibility of hosting an adoptable child this summer and she asked, "what if you don't like the child?" Hmmmm...good question. Like I said, I had thought about it, but never really pondered (considered, thought deeply about, contemplated) the question. So, I guess now I will.

What if we don't "like" the child we adopt? What if we end up choosing a child from a picture and not a month-long experience? What if after a month the child turns into something other-worldly? What if, what if, what if...

I imagine that when you have a kid (in the "traditional" sense of the word) there is some worry about not liking the kid. I know, because I've heard parents express this fear. Usually, though, people talk about the fact that after the hard work is over (that is, birthing a child) something magically happens - it's called oxytocin - that bonds you to your child. That magical oxytocin is also at work during breastfeeding. And so it goes that the worry of "liking" the child is explained :)

Obviously, since we want older kids and I am not giving birth, nor will I (akwardly) be breastfeeding, there will be no "magic" happening. So tell me, parent friends, do you have older children that you don't like? I am pretty sure that the answer is yes - unless my family circle was just weird (which is totally possible). I would hear things like, "It's a good thing I love you because I don't like you right now!" Which leads, I think, into the question of love...what if we don't love the child we adopt? This is where prayer comes in, I guess. We will be praying that God will bring the right kid(s) to us, praying to understand that He knows who we need and who needs us, praying that we would love "the least of these" and that no matter what, we realize that love is a choice.

Thanks, friends, for being there for us and spurring on our thought processes when it comes to adopting. We realize that in no way will be ever be prepared for what is going to happen, as I think most new parents are never quite prepared. Please continue praying for us as we begin this adventure. Pray that we are able to tackle the tough issues ahead of us. Pray that we would be certain when it comes to the kids that God has for us. Pray that we will not only like, but love our kids unconditionally.

Where Are You At?

As I was sitting, thinking about what I would title this post, I started typing in "Where Are You At?" thinking to myself that the question was about where Alan and I are in the process, then I also realized that to me, it meant, where are you - child who will someday come home with us - at?

So, here is the answer to the first question. The organization that we originally had planned on adopting through filed for bankruptcy a few months ago. Luckily for us, we were in the VERY beginning stages and were really not "out" much money. On a side note, some of our friends were very far into their process and have lost time and money - PLEASE pray for them! Anyhow, back on track, Alan and I will have to decide on another agency to go through.

We are considering another agency and so we have applied to do a summer hosting program! That means if we are accepted for the hosting program, we would have a month to spend with an adoptable child that could potentially become a part of our family...OMGsh!!!

The program is kind of cool. It places adoptable orphans from the Phillipines and Ethiopia with families in the US in hopes of finding them families (unfortunately, we do not qualify, at this time, to adopt from the Phillipines - bummer!). The host families do not have to adopt, they just have to be open to adoption or to helping the child meet other potential families. While they are here, they will receive some routine medical care - eye exam, dental exam, etc., have some fun with other kids and get to have a great "summer vacation," if you will.

As for that second question...all I know is this: you are out there, you are alive right now, maybe you are in the orphanage, maybe you are still on the streets. Where ever you are, we love you and we are looking forward to meeting you (and hopefully a sibling!) someday soon.

Worshipping Through the Noise

YOUR GLORY SPEAKS IN EVERY LANGUAGE

So there I was on Sunday at church, ready to worship. And by "ready to worship" I mean coming in to church right as they are starting the service, looking for an open spot, putting all my stuff down, trying to not distract anyone else as I walk in (only seconds) late. I'm sure you know the story. I was ready to worship...

ACROSS THE SKY TO EVERY NATION

Worship (read: singing) is really my favorite way to connect with Jesus. There is something about knowing I am coming to the throne of God, praising Him for who He is, being in His presence, connecting with the Creator of the Universe, who also created my heart, you know, worshipping. I look forward to corporate worship because there is something about worshipping with others, hearing many voices lifted upas one, singing together for a common purpose...all of us worshipping, except when others aren't really worshipping...

YOU ARE BEAUTY UNIMAGINED

I like to sit in the cafe area of our church. The cafe area has tables so it's easier for me to take notes at the table and I love to take notes. The cafe area also has cookies and coffee, people see it as more relaxed...therein lies my problem, it's too relaxed for some. People coming and going, grabbing their coffee or cookies (or both), some of us are worshipping, and others, well, they're talking and chit-chatting in this relaxed atmosphere! I'm thinking to myself, "I'M TRYING TO WORSHIP HERE!" while simultaneously trying not to give the evil eye...

THIS IS WHO YOU ARE

As I'm trying so hard to not be irritated, I feel God speaking to me...The people I hear talking in the background of the cafe is really a metaphor for my life! I have a crazy amount of "noise" in my life. We all have it - whether it's our job or family, stress or fun - whatever it is, there is this noise that often times makes it difficult to worship, difficult to focus on the God we love, and we have to get over it. I need to worship "even though." What, then, could I do but press on and worship through the noise?

LIFT IT UP, LIFT IT UP

ENDLESS PRAISES TO OUR GOD

FULL OF GRACE

FULL OF LOVE

AND HE'S REIGNING OVER US

I KNOW, TOU ARE FAITHFUL

YOU ARE WORTHY, GOD

THIS IS WHO YOU ARE

Maybe you have some noise in your life keeping you from worshipping. Don't wait for the noise to fade, don't wait for the perfect worship environment, don't give the evil eye...just sing. Lift your voice and then let the noise fade away, let it be drowned out by the sound of your worship.

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song.
Psalm 95:1

Music Monday...again!

This is the One We Have Waited For

 

A refuge for the poor

A shelter from the storm

This is our God

And He will wipe away your tears

And return your wasted years

This is our God

A father to the orphan

A healer to the broken

This is our God

And He brings peace to our madness

And comfort in our sadness

This is our God

First, let me say I have been remiss at posting - 3 WEEKS since I've posted! Sorry :(

Onward...I love this song, I love the words...when I sing "this is the One we have waited for," I know that I AM waiting for Him. He fulfills the longings we have within us, whether we are poor, in the midst of a storm, if we are orphans, widow, in chaos, etc.

I just watched a video this weekend about a family who never intended on adopting...their son said he had prayed for a family...needless to say, God answered his prayers! How many kids are praying for families and waiting on us to be God's answer to a prayer? I look forward to chaos of being an answered prayer. I say "chaos" because I am not naive enough to believe it will be all smooth sailing, but life is full of waves and storms...we just have to trust Him to be our shelter.

Music Monday

Boys become kings, girls will be queens

Wrapped in Your majesty

When we love, when we love the least of these

Then they will be brave and free

Shout your name in victory

When we love, when we love the least of these

~Audio Adrenaline

I love this song! The first time I heard these lyrics I started crying. The thought of helping a couple boys from another country become kings (hmmmm...maybe helping girls become queens, if that's what God wants) is truly amazing. Alan and I really feel that adopting from another country is SAVING A LIFE; we won't be just giving kids a better life, but a chance at life. Some people will not understand this, I know. People have already politely suggested adopting from the US, or Montana. I have no problems with anyone adopting from the US, but for us, God has guided our heart internationally. We feel that if we get to "choose" our children, that we will follow His lead, and right now, Ethiopia is our starting point.

Just keep blogging, just keep blogging!

I really am trying to get the hang of this blogging thing. In general, I am pretty tech savvy, but I seem to be blog illiterate, which is frustrating (read: anyone who knows what they are doing can feel free to help me!). Anyhow, I did manage to create 3 new fundraising pages - it seems like that's all we are doing right now, focusing on how to raise $$$. So, you will notice 3 new pages on top - Jewelry, Sushi and Art. Also, for those of you who are so inclined, you can also give a tax-deductible donation to us by giving directly to Ethiopia Hope and tagging us (Alan & Chairsty Stewart) in the memo. 

The Waiting Game

Classes started on Wednesday and so inevitably, I'm helping students with logins, passwords and course registrations. This morning I had to contact a vendor (via chat) to help one of my students get logged into her course. Ugh...chatting...and waiting...

So, I head to the wonderful internet and put in all my info and start waiting in the queue - you know, the virtual waiting line. It says that I am number 3 in the queue and that the average wait is 8:22 - not great, but not bad for this time of year. So I wait, and wait, and wait...I have waiting much more than the anticipated 8:22, but somehow the average wait time has gone DOWN to 7:02. I don't know how this happens when I have been waiting, and waiting, and waiting. FINALLY, I get to chat with John and tell him all of my troubles...about 9 minutes into our chat we are spontaneously disconnected and I am re-queued!! Now, instead of actually chatting, I am FIFTH in line...fifth? I've been waiting here for a while again, my average wait time is 14:52, but of course I have waited longer. I am now third in line and I "should be connected to an agent in about 33 seconds." Hmmmm...

It makes me wonder - are there a couple kids who are waiting? A couple of boys who felt like they were in the queue...some boys who thought that their average wait time has passed? My waiting is so very inconsequential compared to our future children. I wish I could speed up the process, but I do not know how to do that.

People have been asking where we are in our process and all I can say is that we are fundraising. I feel like I should have a better answer, but at this point, that's what we do, wait and raise money. I pray for God's timing in this whole process, I pray that our children do not feel like they have been re-queued.

BTW - I have been waiting in my queue as I type this...my average wait is now 10:58. :)

Pure religion...

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

This is just one verse that compels us to adopt. Adoption is obviously not for everyone, but it's for us...on Christmas I was wondering if it would be our last Christmas as just a couple; wondering if in 2013 we'd have a couple little ones to buy gifts for and bless. The truth is, our kids are already out there, alive...waiting for us to adopt them. I pray that God helps us through this journey - from paperwork and fundraising to choosing and praying for a couple boys we don't even know yet.