Having a Backyard for My Birthday

Many of you know that for the last couple of weeks we have been working hard on creating a nice space in our back yard. I mean, really, there wasn't much of anything in the yard...yeah, really...nothing. Well, wait, unless you count weeds...and dirt...and rocks of varying sizes in random spots all over the yard which is not conducive to growing grass.

Yep, this is what we had. The pic of
the front yard is actually one year
AFTER we did it...it still needed work!

We have almost been in our house for five years now and we have not had a "yard" that whole time. We have made some progress though. We always knew the landscaping would be a slow and steady thing for us. We are pretty budget conscious and I couldn't just charge a whole yard on a credit card! Still, I kept having thoughts that "oh, maybe THIS is the year!" and it never was. So, little by little, we did some of this and some of that. We saved money from tax returns every year to do some work. 





For the record, 10 x 25 is a huge
patio for first-time DIYers!

In 2011, the year after we moved in, we made a patio off the back door - that was a big undertaking for our first project! We also managed to start a front yard that year. I looks so lovely now! Then later that summer, it got HOT and Alan asked why we didn't get air conditioning instead of a patio...oops! So, in 2012 we purchased an air conditioner and that was our big home improvement project. In 2013 we finished our front yard landscaping by creating a space that is supposed to look like a dry river bed or a "river of rocks" along the side of the house and I felt great that we were no longer the eyesore of the neighborhood!



This was in 2013 right after we
finished the dry river bed.

But every year, I still wanted a backyard, a place to hang out and enjoy. I had thoughts of having a movie with friends in the backyard for my birthday for the last three years at least! I want to love my yard. It's hard to enjoy the nice patio when our view consists of a combination of living and dying weeds and brown dirt. I always hoped this backyard thing would happen soon. Two major barriers though - one, we "needed" a retaining wall. If we were going to do that, we'd need to install it BEFORE the yard looked nice; two, we "needed" to install sprinklers if we were going to invest in grass. We have a large yard and I had nightmares of me dragging the sprinkler around said yard and even forgetting that it's on (like I frequently do in the front yard!). Those were finished in 2014!

2015 - our patio "garage".

So, 2015, here we are, poised and ready for a backyard. We need to do three major things: level the yard and prep the soil, add river rocks around the perimeter of the yard and then hydroseed. And we were prepared to do it! There we were, the weekend after our anniversary and we were leveling and prepping the soil. We rented the skid steer and Alan and Jen did a great job leveling out the mess around the fence created by the great Craigslist fiasco of 2012ish and then he used the attachment to run over the whole yard to prep the soil. This soil conditioner attachment tills up the weeds, softens the ground, pulverizes small rocks and sends bigger ones to the side. Did I mention we had rocks? Like, along the lines of 12" hunks of flat sandstone? Well, mostly pieces in the 4-6" range, but rocks nonetheless.

Separating rock and weeds sucks.

After Alan uses the soil conditioner on the yard, we have to rake. We're raking piles of rocks and there are pieces of weed debris intermingled with rocks. I HAD to try and separate them so we could put them in the right trash cans. We had piles everywhere! So, there I was, in my backyard, raking my heart out thinking about how great it will be to FINALLY have a yard for my birthday. That this will be the birthday that my friends get to come to OUR house and hang out in OUR backyard. All of this thinking has me so excited and while I am thinking, I hear the neighbor kids talking...



"My spirit animal is a rat because I steal things!" (I think the other one had a fox for his spirit animal!)

And they are jumping on the trampoline...

"I am going to be an evil penguin but when you kill me I turn good." (Jen said you can't have evil penguins.)

And then the sprinkler turns on under the trampoline...

"Go get me a towel because I'm cold!" (she was a bit bossy)...

Front yard 2015 (top left and middle)
The backyard in progress (rest!) 

And then I realize...it's really not about my birthday, and it never has been. This house has always been about starting a family....five years in the making...we wanted to have a place where we could bring a couple kids home, let them run around in a big, safe yard and have fun; a  place where memories would be created and they would feel loved. This yard isn't about me, it's about them! And so there I was, raking up rocks and weeds and praying for our kids...kids who may never have seen this thing called "grass" that I have been longing for...kids who really would be fine playing out in the dirt...kids who might be waiting for us right now...and I began praying for them...and praying for us.

Did I mention the "prison shanks"
we found in the yard?

It will still be nice to have grass for my birthday, but in the long run, I am thankful that I am reminded that this was never about me...and that our hope is that this is a house that, ultimately, glorifies Him...

How Much Paperwork Do We Realły Have Left?

Let me start by saying that our anniversary is tomorrow, we'll, at least as I sit here on Monday and write this it's tomorrow - who knows how long it will take me to compose this post! Anyhow, June 2, 2015 marks TWENTY YEARS with my amazing hubby, Alan!! Seriously, as I look back it doesn't seem like it has been that long. Often times, I still feel so young - yes, I get that age is relative, but most people who have been married for 20 years are at least half-way through their parenting years and here we are, not even started. I don't feel like I'm 37, but when I think about my age, it makes me wish that this adoption thing would happen more quickly, you know? 

Yes, Homeland Security Has to Say, "Yes."

In February we submitted our I-600A: Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition. This is a form that gives us permission from Homeland Security to adopt foreign children and emigrate them to the U.S. Shortly after submitting the application, we rceived a request for additional documentation with an 87 day window for submission. Eighty-seven days...no big deal, right? So, fast-forward some 50 days...ish. I thought we had what we needed...I really did. Yes, the letter said "certified court disposition" but really, is that any different from a background check saying that we have no arrests? Um, yes! And thankfully, our social worker caught it for us! 

I Really Wasn't Trying to Slack.

So, we needed a letter saying that there is no record of Alan having been arrested and gone to court and for a traffic violation (yeah, that's another story, for another day, but suffice it to say - ALWAYS use your full name...always). You know, when they wipe things off the record, it's hard to figure out who to call to verify this fact! Anyhow, Alan made LOTS of calls...lots. Finally, he got a hold of the right person around April 30th...21 days before we have to get this to the government. The woman checks the records and verifies that there is no record. This takes a few days to get figured out. She mails it to us on Friday May 8th...my sister verifies this as she went and paid the fee for us. It's coming from Great Falls, 3 1/2 hours away, no reason why we shouldn't have this letter by the 11th, giving us plenty of time to get our paperwork in...the problem is, it's not in the mailbox on the 11th, or the 12th, or the 13th...so Alan calls..."if it's not there on the 14th call." So he called and had to leave a message, along with 3 other messages the following day. Finally, he got a hold of her on the 15th. She certifies two new letters, but the mail has already run, it's Friday, she can't get it out until Monday...we need it Tuesday...not going to happen. UGH, frustration!

Thankful again that I have a sister in Great Falls who goes to the court house, picks up the letter and then sends it next-day air on Monday...meanwhile...our mail had come and the letters that had been sent ten days prior finally showed up. Guess what...they spelled his name wrong, on these official court documents - more frustration, especially for Alan :/ Our social worker told us to go ahead and submit what we had so we could get it in on time (did you know it costs upwards of $50 to overnight something to Missouri??) and to just try to get new letters - just in case (on a side note, we went to GF and it took her TWO MORE TIMES to get the letter right!).

If you're skipping to the good part, here it is:

I am usually so on top of everything, I don't like to wait if I know it needs to be done. I really don't know how all this got away from me...So, after waiting a little too long to get paperwork together, after spending three+ weeks to get what should have been a simple letter, after getting the paperwork there with just one day to spare, this afternoon, on the eve of our 20th anniversary, we got a letter from the Dept. of Homeland Security...

Alas...I must trust God's timing, of this I remind myself quite frequently. Those who know me probably know that I have told God that the best possible court dates would include anytime between June and September, Christmas break, spring break...you know, the dates that would work out perfectly for a teacher! While a teeny part of me believes that He might give me a "yes" to my best possible dates, I, again, have to remind myself that these are HIS plans, not my plans, that HIS ways are higher than my ways. Isaiah 55:9 says, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." His thoughts are higher than my thoughts...He knows the end from the beginning and He is to be trusted, as is His timing. 

Plugged In

 

Earlier this month Alan and I had the privilege to attend the Empowered to Connect simulcast in beautiful Bozeman, MT. I would like to start by saying thank you to Sacred Portion, Show Hope, Journey Church and Encompass for bringing a message of hope and healing! This simulcast was a two-day event for adoptive and foster parents (dare I say biological parents, as well?) and those who work in the world foster and adoptive kiddos live in. It was amazing! I am so glad we attended, but trying to get the information was, well, not as smooth as I would have liked!

 

Don't hate on my note-taking skills!

ALL COMPUTERS ALWAYS WORK
So, it all started when I got this email about Empowered to Connect, based on the book The Connected Child by Dr. Karen Purvis out of Texas Christian University. So, I look at the email on my iPad and it says to follow the instructions on the attached flyer to register for this FREE event. I look at said flyer...no directions. I reply to the email, they send me another flyer saying thE info is on the flyer, I open it on my iPad...no directions...UGH...I reply one more time (a bit frustrated!) and they send me the link. This time, I'm on my computer, so I pull up the flyer to show a coworker so they could verify that the info was, indeed, NOT on the flyer...lo and behold, there it was. My iPad just wouldn't show the info!! Apple, you gotta fix that!

BOZEMAN IS BEAUTIFUL
Anyhow, I went back and forth trying to decide if it was worth it to take the day off and have someone sub for me and finally, I decided to go for it. I used up my personal day and Alan and I headed to Bozeman. One of the college girls I mentor even gave up her bed for us so we wouldn't have to pay for a hotel (thanks Court!). We get to The Commons, where the event was being hosted, and we had never been there before. Let me stop and say the campus was BEAUTIFUL!! Bozeman is great in general, but the views around The Commons, oh my! Bozeman is surrounded by six mountain ranges and is just so amazing, Alan said, "people must just wake up and say, 'I'm going to have a good day.'"

PLUGGED IN

There is so much I could say about the content of the conference. The speakers kept saying that it was like drinking water from a fire hose - and it was! I felt like someone energized me, gave me the skills and knowledge to be, at the very least, aware of the potential hard times ahead. It really was like being plugged in to the power source. They gave us a heads up on the way our brains and bodies function when they are in a survival state. There was so much to learn about how children from tough places operate, how the brains of kids who have been traumatized are always running on the amygdala, how our attachment style as an infant predicts how we will attach as adults 90% of the time!! This is researched-based stuff my friends, AND, biblically supported as well! So, friends, here's just one snippet of something we learned:

Children from hard places:

• Have different brains
• Have different bodies
• Have different beliefs
• Have different behaviors

Why? You may ask. Because if a child has been traumatized - even something like a difficult birth, even trauma during pregnancy - it can result in changes to the way the brain perceives the child's surroundings and circumstances; it affects the lens through which life is viewed - especially if it is never dealt with! Now, this isn't true of every kid who comes from a hard place, but Alan and I want to go into this with eyes wide open. Do you know that when the amygdala is on high alert the pre-frontal cortex (the part of your brain that everyone associates with being the brain) that does all the complicated processes and tasks is not operating? The brain is in this fight, flight or freeze state, almost constantly for some of these kids and if you don't address the amygdala, you can't get to the heart of the child! 

Okay - I need to not overload you all...we'll stop here and I'll do a part two soon.

 

How Many Licks Does it Take to Get to the Center of a Tootsie Pop?

Okay, so that might not be what most of you are wondering about, though if you are interested, there was a scientific study conducted here, just make sure to come back here after you read it!

The real question, the question that we have been asked countless times since we began the process is, "what's next?" Well maybe that's second to, "when do you get your kids?" Both very good questions...sometimes I don't know the answer to the first, and we don't really know the answer to the second either, but here is what I do know we have left to do:

1.  Finish gathering up documents for our dossier. This is actually going really well! It's finally good to feel like we are moving forward, after all of our stop and go, putting the home study on hold, etc., I just feel like we have momentum, that, plus the momentum of that amazing gift (if you didn't read about the gift, read my previous post!!) has pushed us so far forward. Besides waiting on birth and marriage certificates, we are just waiting for our approval from the US government to adopt foreign kiddos, otherwise, the dossier is just about done!
   
2.  Raise some more money.So, I'll just be honest, international adoption is expensive! So is giving birth...the difference is that my health insurance doesn't cover adoption expenses. I've been trying to calculate about how much we have left and I think it's about $10,000 plus travel expenses for two trips to Ethiopia. Here's what we're thinking:
   
   a.) Artwork If you know anyone who has adopted from Ethiopia (or Africa in general), or has an affinity for these countries, we have some awesome artwork from Alan and for our friend Andrea Reynolds. Alan also has other artwork that is not related to Ethiopia or adoption that you can purchase prints of. You can check out his work on our Art page
   
   b.) Jewelry I enjoy making jewelry and so I have random pieces available. Pictures are posted on my Jewelry page of some that I have made and sold, but I do take requests.
   
   c.) Sushi Nights If you get a group of people together who like sushi, we'll do our best to find a date where we can come over and make you dinner! Of course, we could also arrange to just do delivery as well!
   
   d.) Start Earning Points As much as it pains me to think about using a credit card (we avoid it at all costs), I think we'll be getting a card that earns us miles, then using that to pay for our normal expenses and paying it off monthly...EEK...good idea?
   
3. Accept a Referral A referral is when the agency gives us info on adoptable kids. We will have a some time to pray about it and then say "yes" or "no." Technically, that can happen at any time now...the catch is, we have to be able to pay the referral fee when we say, "yes!"
   
   
4. Travel to Ethiopia to Meet Future Kiddos
   
5. Travel Again to Bring Said Kiddos Home
   
6. Be Awesome Parents
   
   (I obviously don't know much about these steps yet)
   
7. Just PRAY...This would obviously be the real first step, and really the most important step. We will continue to pray through every step of this process and I ask for you to pray for us and our future kids as well. 

If you have questions or comments that you want to ask privately, email me at electric_chairsty@yahoo.com

The Million Dollar Text Message

It seems like this whole journey has had more than its share of fits and starts. Through it all, I just kept telling myself that God is in control. That His hand is sovereign and that this is all going to work out in the end. I tell myself that His timing is not our timing and that it will all happen when He wants it to, but yet, we have to be diligent and faithful on our end as well. I could write about the last 9 months or so, but what you really want to hear about is our here and now...but flashback to February 27th...

God can do anything, you know...

I was in South Carolina for the NADE Conference and I was at dinner with a co-worker when I get a call from Oregon and I don't recognize the number. I answer the call and it was our adoption agency. Our contact at the agency was telling me about the possibility of a referral (a referral is when we are sent information about adoptable kids and we decide whether or not we want to accept the referral, that is, "choose" those kids). Like I mentioned, I am not at home, Alan and I aren't able to talk about it really, I'm in the middle of dinner, so I tell her I have to call her back. In the meantime, she sends us some information about these kiddos (don't get too excited yet, this is not the main point of the story!). 

After dinner, I call Alan and we talk about if we want to look at the info separately or wait until I get home. We decide - much to the chagrin of a great friend - to wait until I get home. So, I get home, we sit down at the computer, not knowing what to expect and we open the email...no pictures, just some very basic information, and a line that says something like, "oh yeah, by the way (okay, maybe I added that part), if you say yes, the referral fee is $30,400 and due in a week." WHAT?!?

...far more than you could ever imagine or guess...

Wait a minute! I knew that the referral was expensive, the most expensive part of the process, but seriously??? That was at least $10,000 MORE than I was thinking it was. I go back and I look through some documents, confirmed that it said $19,000(ish) to accept the referral of two children. Now, when I thought $19,000, I knew that it was a lot, but, hey, God is a big God, right? But $30,000??? How in the world was I going to raise $30,000? How was I going to ask my friends and family for $30,000? Where in the world would I find enough people to even help? I don't have that many friends - not even on Facebook! 

...or request in your wildest dreams! 

We had met with a guy on staff from our church on March 5th to catch up about our adoption. We told him our hearts about adoption, how we got to where we are spiritually and emotionally and where were were in the process of our adoption. In our journey, we have seen other people adopt and, frankly, some of them (we felt) have LOTS more money than we do. They had great paying jobs, owned businesses, had families who were financially stable, etc. (For the record, I have no idea how these families did it. These were just my thoughts at the time and I didn't see how this was going to happen for us). We told him that we don't have money, we don't have a rich uncle, Alan is on workers comp and I am a teacher. We knew that it would come down to lots of fundraising, lots. He encouraged us to focus on the steps - what's the next chunk we need to raise? What is the next part of our process? 

He does it not by pushing us around...

So, after our meeting, Alan and I are encouraged. We felt like we had some church support and had some ideas on how to move forward with fundraising. But still, in my heart, "God, how am I going to ask my friends to help me raise $30,000?" I know that I could have this much faith for any of my friends, I really could, and I would really believe that God would move like that. I knew in my heart that God was going to take care of it, even if it was one $300 fundraiser at a time, but in my mind, I was just unsure how it was going to happen for us, I wouldn't call it full-fledged doubt...but maybe you would, and I'm cool with that. 

...but by working within us...

Little by little, that's how the money was going to come in, in my mind. We have sold jewelry, baked goods, I have tutored, we have hosted sushi parties, we've had a garage sale, my grandma sends my birthday gift to our adoption fund...little by little. We had a sushi fundraiser last Saturday night and a group of 4 ladies blessed our socks off and we raised $310 - WOW. Then today, we met with one of our mentors, $500 check towards our adoption - God, you are so good. Little by little, that's how it was going to be...it might take a long time to raise that money for the referral fee. That might mean that we would have to wait to accept a referral, or take out a loan, or sell a kidney - but it would happen sometime. 

...his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

But for the last week and a half or so, I just kept praying, asking God how I was going to go about this. What fundraising could I do to raise this crazy amount of money? Should I do t-shirts? More jewelry? Another bake sale? What should I do? And I think that was the problem, it was "me, myself and I." I was right, I have no way of doing this...really, no way. I had been praying about it, but I was praying, asking God how I was going to do it...but praise God, it isn't about me, but about Him, and His faithfulness. 

Glory to God in the church!

So, here it is...this is the moment...I get a text message today from a friend asking exactly how much more we have for our adoption and I tell the person that I don't really know "exactly" but the referral fee is $30,000. The next text I get from her says, "Ok so we are going to give you 22,000....We want more than anything to see you guys be parents!!!"

WHOA!! Wait a minute! This lady is a great woman, she has this great family and a seemingly laid back approach to raising her kids (that works!), which I don't know I could ever have! We are friends, but not in then hang-out-every-weekend-and-have-girl-time sense. I am soooo completely caught off guard and just amazed. 

I go show the text to Alan and I just start BAWLING! Literally, the last time I felt emotions so overwhelming was when I got the call that my mother died. Obviously, this was on the opposite end of the spectrum, but it had the same impact. So, I called her, crying...and what I said was, "What the hell are you doing??" If you know me, you know that's not something that I would just say! She tells me why and all I can do is cry... 

At this moment, I am still just amazed at God's goodness to us. I am amazed that God would answer our prayers through this family. I am so amazed that this whole time I have wondered how "I" was going to do this, when it was never me. I am amazed that God answers my prayers. All night, these song lyrics were running through my head, "Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me." Equally amazing is how we were able to share this awesome news with friends and how they were encouraged and excited for us. He is just faithful, I knew that going in, but I know it now.

So, to end, I'm sure you have heard this verse before. I had, I have heard it, and believed it with all of my heart...but today, God showed me how crazy amazing He really is and I realize that I now believe it in a very different, very deep way.

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Glory to God in the church!
Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
Glory down all the generations!Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!" (Ephesians 3:20-21, MSG)