I'm sure every parent knows what I am about to tell you. I assume that the moment you find out that you are pregnant, some safety alarm goes off in your head, something that tells you - oh, do this and that and this and that and, by the way, read these books and watch this parenting series as well. That's how it happens, right? It must be that when you adopt you don't get that feeling, so the social worker comes out to tell you what you should have felt. Okay, okay, I know it doesn't work that way, but I find it kinda funny that the things we have been asked to do, (at least) some of our amazing parent friends haven't done.
Don't get me wrong, they are all good things, it's just, well, who else does this? I remember a guy named Wheeler telling us that we'll never have enough money, we'll never be prepared, we'll never have enough time, we'll never have enough space, we'll never...so just do it. That's not true with adoption! They want to make sure you have these things.
Tell me a little about yourselves - it will be confidential (except for the fact that the NSA will be reading everything). They ask about our financials, they take a look at the house, they want to know if we've ever committed crimes - we have to get finger printed (the old fashioned ink way and biometric ones), we have to write about our lives, what it was like growing up in our families, how we get along with our siblings, how do we plan on disciplining our children (read: will you be spanking?) and so much more. I'm thinking, hey, if the NSA is going to see this, then why do I have to write an autobiography - don't they already know?
Take me on a tour of your home. As she walked around the house she took note of the rooms in the house, how many bathrooms, bedrooms and living spaces on each level. She wanted to make sure we have enough room to adopt a couple kiddos. Besides the fact that we needed to purchase at least one fire extinguisher (2A 10BC rated or higher - CHECK!) and carbon monoxide monitors (hoping one for each level of the house is good) and trigger locks (note to self: buy trigger locks!) it seems as though the inside of the house is good - she didn't even look at the potential hazards in my guest bathroom! She didn't look to see that I have OTC medications on a shelf...I was sure she was going to tell me I need child locks in the bathroom so that kids don't get into the cleaners (do 5 year olds do that?), but she didn't even look!
About that cliff in your backyard though...So, you see, dear social worker, when we bought the house, nothing was landscaped, and each year we can only afford to do a certain amount of work, see, and um, yeah, that "backyard" that you see covered with weeds, and that area that appears to be a cliff anywhere between 2 and 4 feet in height, yeah, we haven't quite gotten there yet...can you take a picture of it, well, later? Here's the deal, we meant to put in a retaining wall last year, but time and money slipped away from us. It should be done in the next few weeks though - fingers crossed! Alan just thought it was hilarious that our kids will be coming from Ethiopia and they want our backyard to look nicer! Oh, yeah, and we might need window well covers, so they don't fall in!
Did I mention the autobiography? That thing is, as the young people say, "cray-cray!" There are, like, 42 questions, and they aren't just yes or no questions either! Tell me about your childhood and your relationship with your parents and siblings as both a child and an adult. Consider that this takes me at least twice as much time as someone who grew up in one "family" or whose parents stayed married. I had my life with my mom and my sisters, then a few months out of the year (summer, Christmas, spring break, etc.) I had my life with my grandparents (dad's parents) and my aunts, uncles and cousins. Oh, wait, there was also the life when my mom was a drug addict AND the life after she surrendered her life to God and quit that craziness. I think Alan was on to something when he asked if someone could just do a biography on him instead.
Were you ever abused as a child? So, our adoption agency lady had an orientation phone call with us and that abuse question was asked and immediately, I said, "No!" No way! Nope, oh wait, I did just say that my mom was a drug addict for a while...a good 6 or 7 years of my life, at least. And, yes, my mom did have unsavory types in and out of the house, and there was the time when I remember not having water. Oh, and that time when we lived in someone's garage. Well, maybe, but no I wasn't abused...right? Then about two questions later, I asked her to go back to that question.
Here's where His grace comes in. We had a talk about how I don't feel like an abused kid. I don't identify as an abused person. I don't think about my life in that manner. Any person looking at my childhood would likely say I was abused. But here's the deal - I see God's work in my life, in every aspect. I feel like Joseph when he said, "Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now." (Gen. 50:20 MSG). I forgave my mother years ago - I think that probably brought healing into my life and that's why I don't identify with being an abused kid. My identity is in His grace, His redemptive work, His love.
In conclusion...I poke fun at some of this, but it really is good. I am glad that they are doing their due diligence on our side, but for future reference, I'm thinking that the next time I have to get baby shower gifts, I should just run to Costco for the fire extinguisher and CO monitors!
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