I Haven't Posted for a While...But This One is Worth It!

(UPDATE: I had to remove some info from our original post. Anything that could possibly identify our precious kiddos. It's a long-shot, but I like to play by the rules) 

I know, friends, I know! You want to know what's going on, nay, you NEED to know what's going on! You've been seeing posts for the last eight weeks, asking for prayers and whatnot. Well, what are you praying for (besides adoption) and what is happening?!?

Here's the long story, if you want the Readers' Digest version - SCROLL DOWN.

On May 18th, Alan and I received a phone call from our adoption agency. Well, actually, I missed a phone call and Alan got one. I had just gotten done with class when my phone started ringing, it was Alan. He told me that I had missed a call from our agency, I told him I just saw that I got a message from them and I thought that it was because I had just emailed her. He proceeded to tell me I missed a BIG call...

Me: Big good, or big bad?

Alan: Really big...are you sitting down?

Me: (crying) Almost! (As I'm at work, walking through the tutoring center, trying to get to the coffee shop)

Alan: There are three kids...4, 5 and 10...two boys and a girl.

Me: (crying) Oh my gosh...

In that moment, we were abuzz with emotion. Are these the ones? I mean, we had planned on two, but this could be them! We cried and laughed, we were so ready to find out more information, we were probably crazy for considering THREE, right? We had to decide if this was a real possibility before the agency requested files, and so we said yes - we'd consider them. We began praying for these kids right away. I was laying in bed nightly thinking about these little kiddos (or the idea thereof), praying for them, asking God about them. We thought that we'd have some info on them within a couple days, but we waited...and waited...almost TWO WEEKS, which is an eternity in adoption time!

What did we find out? Well, first...the little guy wasn't 4.

(TIME OUT: Alan and I had been praying for two boys, five and older...we had been approved for three - just in case - but we really thought we'd be getting two boys, five and older. TIME IN)

The little guy was, well, little. Can you say, like, um, one-and-a-half?! Yep, that's known typically as a "toddler," we weren't prepared for a "toddler," were we? Nevertheless, we would consider and continue to pray.

We read through the BASIC information given to us which was really about 17 pages of nothing helpful, except to confirm that they were malnourished and completely underweight by most standards. Two weeks, and we didn't really get much, so we looked forward to the next bit of information which came a week later. That, that was 34 pages of confusion...there was some good information, but some unclear information as well.

They all had different dads, but were their dads dead, or just not able to provide for them? What - they're refugees?? Where are they from? What language will they speak? Are they really so tiny? It just seemed like this information gave us more questions. And, it seemed that the agency had questions as well, so they decided they needed to do some investigating.

So, in the meantime, we wait...and wait...and pray some more. We talk with LOTS of friends. LOTS. We seek counsel. We ask questions. We talk to friends who have adopted, friends who just have biological kids, we ask questions, we fret, we ask questions..

Can we do this?

How will we know?

How will we raise an additional CRAZY amount of money for a third referral fee?

Are we prepared for daycare? Wait, do we want to do daycare?

Can we do this? (Not a typo, we asked this, like, multiple times a day!)

Will we have the money to raise three kids?

CRAP! This means third-row seating, and I don't want a mini van, do I? The gas mileage will be horrible...

and then

God...is this You? Are You in this? Are these (gulp) our kids?

Not going to lie, part of us felt obligated. We felt we had to say yes, because, well, what if we didn't? What would happen? Were we being selfish for even thinking about saying no? We had been praying for almost six weeks at this point and we didn't have a definitive answer. God - we need a YES...

We talk with our agency again, we continue seeking counsel from some great people who have gone before us...we keep praying, but we don't feel God speaking to us, we don't hear that yes we so desperately needed, until this last weekend.

It started on Friday, I had an amazing talk with an equally amazing friend. We talked about changes in her and her husband's life and how it will affect a lot of people. I told her that her hubby isn't God and that it will be okay - that God will take care of those affected by the change. I ask her to pray for us and we end our convo.

(IMPORTANT PART HERE) Later that day, she sends me a text:

"Been thinking about what you said all day...Stuck with me. So wise. And as I'm praying for you I hear my spirit whispering the same wisdom back to you over those kids. God has them. He is constantly pursuing them - whether or not you adopt. They will be okay because of God, not because of Alan and Chairsty. If you get them or choose not to, you are not their God, you are not responsible for what happens..."

Wow...incredible...I am crying...my dear friend gave the freedom to say no. It was such a great feeling, I can't even really describe it (keep reading!!).

Then it continued on Sunday, in church. Our pastor spoke about knowing God's will, hearing His voice and stepping out in faith, and something kept churning in me.

On Monday we had an informative call with our agency, then that night we met with some friends who went from zero kids to four kids! We knew that night what our answer was, but we wouldn't say it out loud. Until Tuesday...

WE SAID YES!!

But what about that "freedom to say no"? That, my friends, was truly a gift given to me. My friend showed me that I could say no, but I realized I didn't want to say no. I knew that my yes would be a full-hearted yes. Alan got his "yes" during our phone call with the agency. We knew when we left our friends' new, big family that it would be yes. Tuesday, we broke the news to family and friends.

Friends - please don't miss this - God didn't give us a sign, we didn't get a burning bush, we didn't HEAR Him say yes. He gave us friends, and wisdom and encouragement. He gave us Isaiah 30:21, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'this is the way, walk in it.'" It wasn't a sign in front of us we could see, but a voice behind us, guiding the way.

Friends, we said yes...let the journey begin...