The Million Dollar Text Message

It seems like this whole journey has had more than its share of fits and starts. Through it all, I just kept telling myself that God is in control. That His hand is sovereign and that this is all going to work out in the end. I tell myself that His timing is not our timing and that it will all happen when He wants it to, but yet, we have to be diligent and faithful on our end as well. I could write about the last 9 months or so, but what you really want to hear about is our here and now...but flashback to February 27th...

God can do anything, you know...

I was in South Carolina for the NADE Conference and I was at dinner with a co-worker when I get a call from Oregon and I don't recognize the number. I answer the call and it was our adoption agency. Our contact at the agency was telling me about the possibility of a referral (a referral is when we are sent information about adoptable kids and we decide whether or not we want to accept the referral, that is, "choose" those kids). Like I mentioned, I am not at home, Alan and I aren't able to talk about it really, I'm in the middle of dinner, so I tell her I have to call her back. In the meantime, she sends us some information about these kiddos (don't get too excited yet, this is not the main point of the story!). 

After dinner, I call Alan and we talk about if we want to look at the info separately or wait until I get home. We decide - much to the chagrin of a great friend - to wait until I get home. So, I get home, we sit down at the computer, not knowing what to expect and we open the email...no pictures, just some very basic information, and a line that says something like, "oh yeah, by the way (okay, maybe I added that part), if you say yes, the referral fee is $30,400 and due in a week." WHAT?!?

...far more than you could ever imagine or guess...

Wait a minute! I knew that the referral was expensive, the most expensive part of the process, but seriously??? That was at least $10,000 MORE than I was thinking it was. I go back and I look through some documents, confirmed that it said $19,000(ish) to accept the referral of two children. Now, when I thought $19,000, I knew that it was a lot, but, hey, God is a big God, right? But $30,000??? How in the world was I going to raise $30,000? How was I going to ask my friends and family for $30,000? Where in the world would I find enough people to even help? I don't have that many friends - not even on Facebook! 

...or request in your wildest dreams! 

We had met with a guy on staff from our church on March 5th to catch up about our adoption. We told him our hearts about adoption, how we got to where we are spiritually and emotionally and where were were in the process of our adoption. In our journey, we have seen other people adopt and, frankly, some of them (we felt) have LOTS more money than we do. They had great paying jobs, owned businesses, had families who were financially stable, etc. (For the record, I have no idea how these families did it. These were just my thoughts at the time and I didn't see how this was going to happen for us). We told him that we don't have money, we don't have a rich uncle, Alan is on workers comp and I am a teacher. We knew that it would come down to lots of fundraising, lots. He encouraged us to focus on the steps - what's the next chunk we need to raise? What is the next part of our process? 

He does it not by pushing us around...

So, after our meeting, Alan and I are encouraged. We felt like we had some church support and had some ideas on how to move forward with fundraising. But still, in my heart, "God, how am I going to ask my friends to help me raise $30,000?" I know that I could have this much faith for any of my friends, I really could, and I would really believe that God would move like that. I knew in my heart that God was going to take care of it, even if it was one $300 fundraiser at a time, but in my mind, I was just unsure how it was going to happen for us, I wouldn't call it full-fledged doubt...but maybe you would, and I'm cool with that. 

...but by working within us...

Little by little, that's how the money was going to come in, in my mind. We have sold jewelry, baked goods, I have tutored, we have hosted sushi parties, we've had a garage sale, my grandma sends my birthday gift to our adoption fund...little by little. We had a sushi fundraiser last Saturday night and a group of 4 ladies blessed our socks off and we raised $310 - WOW. Then today, we met with one of our mentors, $500 check towards our adoption - God, you are so good. Little by little, that's how it was going to be...it might take a long time to raise that money for the referral fee. That might mean that we would have to wait to accept a referral, or take out a loan, or sell a kidney - but it would happen sometime. 

...his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

But for the last week and a half or so, I just kept praying, asking God how I was going to go about this. What fundraising could I do to raise this crazy amount of money? Should I do t-shirts? More jewelry? Another bake sale? What should I do? And I think that was the problem, it was "me, myself and I." I was right, I have no way of doing this...really, no way. I had been praying about it, but I was praying, asking God how I was going to do it...but praise God, it isn't about me, but about Him, and His faithfulness. 

Glory to God in the church!

So, here it is...this is the moment...I get a text message today from a friend asking exactly how much more we have for our adoption and I tell the person that I don't really know "exactly" but the referral fee is $30,000. The next text I get from her says, "Ok so we are going to give you 22,000....We want more than anything to see you guys be parents!!!"

WHOA!! Wait a minute! This lady is a great woman, she has this great family and a seemingly laid back approach to raising her kids (that works!), which I don't know I could ever have! We are friends, but not in then hang-out-every-weekend-and-have-girl-time sense. I am soooo completely caught off guard and just amazed. 

I go show the text to Alan and I just start BAWLING! Literally, the last time I felt emotions so overwhelming was when I got the call that my mother died. Obviously, this was on the opposite end of the spectrum, but it had the same impact. So, I called her, crying...and what I said was, "What the hell are you doing??" If you know me, you know that's not something that I would just say! She tells me why and all I can do is cry... 

At this moment, I am still just amazed at God's goodness to us. I am amazed that God would answer our prayers through this family. I am so amazed that this whole time I have wondered how "I" was going to do this, when it was never me. I am amazed that God answers my prayers. All night, these song lyrics were running through my head, "Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me." Equally amazing is how we were able to share this awesome news with friends and how they were encouraged and excited for us. He is just faithful, I knew that going in, but I know it now.

So, to end, I'm sure you have heard this verse before. I had, I have heard it, and believed it with all of my heart...but today, God showed me how crazy amazing He really is and I realize that I now believe it in a very different, very deep way.

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Glory to God in the church!
Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
Glory down all the generations!Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!" (Ephesians 3:20-21, MSG)

Fire Extinguishers & CO Monitors for ALL My Pregnant Friends!

I'm sure every parent knows what I am about to tell you. I assume that the moment you find out that you are pregnant, some safety alarm goes off in your head, something that tells you - oh, do this and that and this and that and, by the way, read these books and watch this parenting series as well. That's how it happens, right? It must be that when you adopt you don't get that feeling, so the social worker comes out to tell you what you should have felt. Okay, okay, I know it doesn't work that way, but I find it kinda funny that the things we have been asked to do, (at least) some of our amazing parent friends haven't done.

Don't get me wrong, they are all good things, it's just, well, who else does this? I remember a guy named Wheeler telling us that we'll never have enough money, we'll never be prepared, we'll never have enough time, we'll never have enough space, we'll never...so just do it. That's not true with adoption! They want to make sure you have these things.

Tell me a little about yourselves - it will be confidential (except for the fact that the NSA will be reading everything). They ask about our financials, they take a look at the house, they want to know if we've ever committed crimes - we have to get finger printed (the old fashioned ink way and biometric ones), we have to write about our lives, what it was like growing up in our families, how we get along with our siblings, how do we plan on disciplining our children (read: will you be spanking?) and so much more. I'm thinking, hey, if the NSA is going to see this, then why do I have to write an autobiography - don't they already know?

Take me on a tour of your home. As she walked around the house she took note of the rooms in the house, how many bathrooms, bedrooms and living spaces on each level. She wanted to make sure we have enough room to adopt a couple kiddos. Besides the fact that we needed to purchase at least one fire extinguisher (2A 10BC rated or higher - CHECK!) and carbon monoxide monitors (hoping one for each level of the house is good) and trigger locks (note to self: buy trigger locks!) it seems as though the inside of the house is good - she didn't even look at the potential hazards in my guest bathroom! She didn't look to see that I have OTC medications on a shelf...I was sure she was going to tell me I need child locks in the bathroom so that kids don't get into the cleaners (do 5 year olds do that?), but she didn't even look!

About that cliff in your backyard though...So, you see, dear social worker, when we bought the house, nothing was landscaped, and each year we can only afford to do a certain amount of work, see, and um, yeah, that "backyard" that you see covered with weeds, and that area that appears to be a cliff anywhere between 2 and 4 feet in height, yeah, we haven't quite gotten there yet...can you take a picture of it, well, later? Here's the deal, we meant to put in a retaining wall last year, but time and money slipped away from us. It should be done in the next few weeks though - fingers crossed! Alan just thought it was hilarious that our kids will be coming from Ethiopia and they want our backyard to look nicer! Oh, yeah, and we might need window well covers, so they don't fall in!

Did I mention the autobiography? That thing is, as the young people say, "cray-cray!" There are, like, 42 questions, and they aren't just yes or no questions either! Tell me about your childhood and your relationship with your parents and siblings as both a child and an adult. Consider that this takes me at least twice as much time as someone who grew up in one "family" or whose parents stayed married. I had my life with my mom and my sisters, then a few months out of the year (summer, Christmas, spring break, etc.) I had my life with my grandparents (dad's parents) and my aunts, uncles and cousins. Oh, wait, there was also the life when my mom was a drug addict AND the life after she surrendered her life to God and quit that craziness. I think Alan was on to something when he asked if someone could just do a biography on him instead.

Were you ever abused as a child? So, our adoption agency lady had an orientation phone call with us and that abuse question was asked and immediately, I said, "No!" No way! Nope, oh wait, I did just say that my mom was a drug addict for a while...a good 6 or 7 years of my life, at least. And, yes, my mom did have unsavory types in and out of the house, and there was the time when I remember not having water. Oh, and that time when we lived in someone's garage. Well, maybe, but no I wasn't abused...right? Then about two questions later, I asked her to go back to that question.

Here's where His grace comes in. We had a talk about how I don't feel like an abused kid. I don't identify as an abused person. I don't think about my life in that manner. Any person looking at my childhood would likely say I was abused. But here's the deal - I see God's work in my life, in every aspect. I feel like Joseph when he said, "Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now." (Gen. 50:20 MSG). I forgave my mother years ago - I think that probably brought healing into my life and that's why I don't identify with being an abused kid. My identity is in His grace, His redemptive work, His love.

In conclusion...I poke fun at some of this, but it really is good. I am glad that they are doing their due diligence on our side, but for future reference, I'm thinking that the next time I have to get baby shower gifts, I should just run to Costco for the fire extinguisher and CO monitors!

Where Has the Time Gone

So, it's been quite a while, well...7 months...since my last post! How time flies, or doesn't. I've been getting the question "do you know when you'll get your kids yet?" and sadly, the answer is no. Adoption is a long process, and I'm guessing, from my experience, a S L O W one at times. Here's what's happened since last year...

As many of you know, the first agency we applied with went under financially - so sad. Then, just over a year ago, we were planning on participating in a summer program where we would host an adoptable child from Ethiopia for a month. We had put our eggs in that basket and waited on that for months, excited at the opportunity. After about 4 or 5 months of planning for that, we found out the agency wouldn't have any kids to bring to Billings...what the heck? So many orphans, but they couldn't bring any here? We were really looking forward to that opportunity, but God knows...I know He does.

After that, around August we chose a reputable agency to work with. They required more paperwork up front, including a doctor's letter regarding Alan's diabetes (or, live-abetes, as we joke). It literally took from August to mid-January to get the letter!

While we were waiting for this letter, a friend told us about another agency that was strongly recommended. While we waited for the letter, we considered both agencies. I just couldn't decide which one to go with. I felt that they were both good choices and that there was no way I could go wrong, but still struggled with the decision. After praying about it, we decided to go with the agency we had originally chosen. I can't explain why, but I think we are making the right choice. Also, in this waiting period, someone asked if we had began our home study - which we hadn't. We were told (by someone, somewhere) to wait until we had our application in with an agency...guess we didn't necessarily have to do that :/

Anyhow, we are now getting ready to submit our application - pray for us. Please continue to pray that God will guide and direct us, that He will provide the funding necessary to move forward, that we will listen to His voice through all of it.

What Running a 5k Taught Me About My Future as a Parent

As some of my friends know, I spent 8 weeks training for the Freedom 5k. Let me start by saying, nay, YELLING, I am NOT a runner! From that first moment I had to "run" the mile in 5th grade I WALKED the mile. Truly, at 10 I could not run a mile if I was being chased by zombies threatening to eat my very gifted brain! As an adult, even when Alan and I were in great shape and we were working out 4 or 5 times a week I dreaded the 2 minute intervals we would have to run during boot camp.

In January (along with every other person in the Western world) I decided I should try to do something so I asked my doctor for an inhaler and she obliged. The problem is that was also about the time that I started to deal with daily leg cramps. In addition to leg cramps, I had difficulties walking up the stairs - my legs felt like elephant legs and I couldn't breathe by the time I reached the top of the stairs. Of the latter, I was very embarrassed and wouldn't tell anyone that I couldn't walk a flight of stairs without dying. After dealing with this for about 4 or 5 months, I found out I was having vein issues so my doctor gave me a lovely pair of compression hose. Pair those babies with that inhaler and I was able to finally begin training - just 8 weeks before the race!

I started training using a 5k app (5k Runner) to train. First, I was doing intervals of running for 1 minute and walking a minute-and-a-half. My first workout consisted of a whopping 6 minutes total of running. I really felt there was no way I could do a 5k in 8 weeks, I doubted that I could even do the next day's workout! But I kept training, kept pressing on. Alan went to the gym with me and the first time I had to run 5 minutes, or 10 minutes or 15, he was right there, running with me. It was cool to see that with each workout I was making progress toward that 3+ mile mark.

The Tuesday before the 5k, I began my last "training" run. I ran for 30 minutes between a 5 min warm up and cool down. Total distance? 2.33 miles. How was I going to do an extra mile without being at the 1+ hour mark for the 5k?! Now, let me back track for a minute and say that I was so excited that I actually ran for 30 minutes straight, amazing feat for me! Race day comes and Alan - who trained for 7 weeks with me - could not run because he had sprained his knee the week before so I didn't have a running partner. But one of our friends decided to be my "rabbit," her words, not mine. Forty-three minutes after starting my inaugural 5k, I finished! So what did running a 5k teach me about my future as a parent? Let me tell you!

1. Training is not the same thing as the "real deal."I trained inside...on the treadmill...with air conditioning. The treadmill told me how fast to go, it told me how far I was going, there was a timer, I knew how long it would take - I was done when my app said I was done. When I got outside...on the road...in the heat...I had no idea how fast I was going or how far I was going, I didn't know where the  half-way mark was for distance, I didn't know where the water was, I didn't know how long it would take me. Plus, there will HILLS! It wasn't just flat. This was NOT like training!

While I know that the parenting classes, books and webinars will be helpful (just like my app & training were helpful) - I realize they will not compare to the real world. They will help prepare us for scenarios, they will give us tools to assist us, but in the same way running on the treadmill isn't the same as running outside, the classes will not be the same as having actual kids!

2. Use your rescue inhaler!
Again, things are different in the real world! When I trained on Tuesday, I ran that entire 30 minutes without needing my inhaler during the run - not so on Thursday! Things were so different, I didn't have a 5-minute warm-up walk, I didn't have the treadmill to pace me at my 4.0 mph pace, and my "rabbit" is a cross-country runner who runs multiple miles daily! It was just different, and while I used my inhaler before the 5k started, I didn't think I would need it later - I was WRONG! I tried soooo hard to control my breathing - in through the nose, out through the mouth, short breaths, long breaths, no matter what, I just couldn't seem to catch my breath and my inhaler was at the finish line, not with me!

I imagine as parents we are going to need a "rescue inhaler" - someone who will be there in an emergency to help us when we feel like we can't breathe. I think I may have some of those people already.

3. Having a rabbit helps you do more than you ever thought you could.
Had I not had a running buddy, I know I wouldn't have done the race in 43 minutes. When I trained, I ran about a 4.0 (on the treadmill - remember), my 43 minute finish gave me an average pace of 4.6 - and let me tell you, there were some walks in there - this means when I ran, I ran faster than I did ever did on the treadmill. I am certain if I had been alone, I would have walked as soon as I felt I couldn't breathe, but my rabbit kept cheering me on and telling me how "good" I was doing (I was sure she was lying!). She would tell me, "run halfway up the hill then you can walk," or, "at the corner you're going to run," she was just so insistent. During the run I told her (as I was wheezing), "if I was a cusser - I would be cussing at you right now!"

As parents, we will need people to be "rabbits" for us - people who tell us to keep going when it's hard, people to tell us to finish strong, people that we want to cuss at - because in the end, no matter how hard it was, we will be thankful that they pushed us.

4. You can't imagine how you will feel when you are done.
As we were running, my rabbit wanted to tell me how far we had gone, but I wouldn't let her. I kept thinking that when I saw water we'd be at the halfway point. At every turn and intersection there was no water in sight and I was so disappointed. I couldn't believe that I hadn't made it half way yet (turns out the water was on the 4-wheelers and golf-carts that were driving around checking on us). After we finally found some water we neared the last intersection and my rabbit wanted to tell me our time - I didn't want to know, but she insisted I did - 34 minutes. I could see the finish line in the distance and it had only taken 34 minutes to get to this point. I was shocked. It still took me a bit to get to the end, but I made it. Alan was waiting at the end for me with a big smile. When I crossed the finish line, I had an unexpected urge to cry. I don't know. It wasn't a happy cry, or a sad cry, I just wanted to cry. I think it was the culmination of 8 weeks of effort. Apparently, this is a somewhat normal feeling.

Who knows how we will feel the first time we see our kids, or when we finally get to bring them home, but I'm sure that whatever it is - it will certainly be within the bounds of what is expected. I will likely cry - and that will be okay!

How Will We Know?

Earlier this month, a fellow prospective adoptive parent (say that 3 times fast!) passed an email on to me. The email was a plea to find a home for two bothers, 5 and 7ish, who were on a waiting child list. Imagine my thoughts when she told me this! This is what we are looking for! How perfect could this be? Wait, she's with another agency, how will this work? The email also had a picture of these two sweet boys. I was sad as I read this email and saw how these boys had been on the waiting child list, but no one had inquired about them. I don't know that we "felt" anything from God about those boys, but Alan and I prayed for them. The very next day, there was an email update and someone wanted those cute boys!

So, here's my question - how will we know (sings, "can't trust a feeling!" Sorry, I hear Whitney's voice singing that song!)??? How will we know when we see the boys (or girls) that we have been praying for? What do you look for? Adoptive parents receive referrals based on where they are on the wait list (unless we choose to check out the "waiting children" list). The referral, as I understand it, contains a picture and some medical/family background.

So, when we looking at pictures - do we look for how cute they are? Do we look for something in their eyes? A smile? What is it that the picture provides us? As for medical records - we already know that many children will be undernourished, some will need "normal" things like glasses, dental work, etc. There are some children that might need more extensive medical care, there are also children who are HIV positive - how do I feel about that? Then there's the family background - what if their parents are alive but can't take care of them? What if they are true orphans whose parents are gone from this world? What if they have older brothers and sisters who are not adoptable and we would be taking them away from them? There are just soooo many questions, you know?

I guess we have to look at it this way, somehow, Alan and I "knew" that we were the ones for each other and we went with it. Look at us now, 18 years later - beginning the family journey when we could have kids on their way out, LOL :) Ultimately, we are going to have to make decisions about potential kids - pray for us to make the right decision.

We are still gathering some paperwork - ugh, to submit to our agency. Pray that we get that done ASAP. Fundraising is going well. Just last week we held a great sushi class/dinner for a couple who has already gone through the adoption process. Such a blessing to have other parents supporting us. I sold some necklaces to a local café, also, to raise some moola. Slowly but surely, things are happening. Who knows, maybe next 4th of July we'll have kids celebrating our independence :)

Tell Alan - "We Want to Hear About Sushi!"

So, one of our fundraisers is a sushi night where Alan will prepare sushi for a group of 6 to 8 people. He has done this a few times now and each time we are learning something new - I say "we" because I am actually helping, though I have NO desire to eat the "yummy" sushi.

If you are interested in more info about the sushi night, go to Alan's Facebook wall and post to him!

Happy Anniversary

This weekend we celebrated our 18th anniversary - by having a garage sale! Yep, we did a fundraising sale on Saturday with the help of many donations from our friends! A garagle sale is a TON of work, just in case you didn't know...

Over the last couple weeks our friends have dropped things by the house for our sale then last Tuesday we started sorting through and grouping things - let's put all the hats & gloves over here, oh yeah, scarves too. Then we knew that more things would be brought closer to the day of the sale, so we waited to do more until Friday. Then came Friday! (sidenote: originally we were going to have our sale on Friday, but the weather was less than cooperative - rain, rain, rain.) We opened the garage to let some light and cool air in and then we started really going through things and pricing them around 10 a.m.We figured out sizes on bedding that was donated, cleaned up shelves and cubbies, put all the decor items together, put all the stuffed animals in a box, put all the shoes in a box, purses...you name it. We worked hard for about 4 or 5 hours. Then Alan's tooth started giving him, well, hell!

Back story - Alan had to have a crown remade, apparently it had cracked and it was less than 5 years old! So, he had to have the old crown taken off - which was bad because they don't just "come off," they are pried, cracked, and cut off - then they put a new crown on. Well, he was still experiencing some pain, then more pain, then unbearable pain. So at 3 p.m., Alan is standing in the doorway between the garage and the house with the phone in his hand. "Are you going to call?" I asked. "Yes," he replied. He came back out a couple minutes later and said he had a 3:30 p.m. appointment, so we dropped what we were doing and I took him to the dentist. Long story short, he ended up having a root canal (to which he would NOT say "bummer!" because it helped so much) and we didn't get back to it until about 8 p.m. that night.

So here we are, back to the garage, we continue sorting and pricing everything until about 10 p.m...except the clothes. UGH! How in the world are we going to efficiently sort clothes? Alan had hung up a nice rack in the garage and grabbed a bunch of hangers, but we still had to make signs and it was 10 p.m.!! So, I say, forget the clothes for now and we make signs. Around 11 p.m. we decide we should go to bed since we have to wake up bright and early to get everything pulled out, signs put on their respective intersections and get our game faces on.

Saturday morning, up and at 'em bright and early. Shower, get dressed and as I start pulling things out Alan heads out to put the signs out. By the way, it was a GRAND day outside - absolutely beautiful!! At this point, though, I STILL haven't done a thing about those darn clothes!! Around 7:45 a.m. my friends Andrea and Ruth show up (to shop) and ask if I need help - YES!! They spent about 15 minutes helping me getting those darn clothes either up on the rack or in nice piles on the tarp. That 15 minutes or so was like a lifesaver for me! While they were helping, one of Andrea's daughters is shopping and finds something she likes, and - get this - proceeds to pay me with a card...a hotel key card! So adorable!!!

Anyhow, we ended up having a good turnout and had great support from friends and earned some money to "help bring kiddos home" as my friend Vicki would say. Thanks to ALL of my friends who helped either by donating items for the sale, donating stickers and supplies, donating time, spending money or sending friends over. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

It seems as though spending our anniversary weekend getting ready for a garage sale is just one indicator of how things might be different when we have kids - but that's okay, bring it on and we'll figure it out just like we did the garage sale - with the help of our friends! :)